It’s a New Glen David Gold Novel!

I’m going to make this blog on Saturday and post it on Monday because according to Google, Monday is going to be (HOLY CHRIST!) 72 degrees. My plan for Monday is to wander the streets in a bikini and lie on the hot cement when I am felled by heat exhaustion. So I might not be around the internet. Unless I can access the internet through the heat waves coming off the asphalt.

Also, I own no bikini.

So, my exciting news is sort of not that excited for like everyone except me and Steve, so really, you don’t have to make a comment today or you can just jump right to the comments and say something about bikinis.

I went to one of my former places of employment the other day to harass my ex-editor and rifle through the galleys. AND I FOUND THIS:

ZOMG IT’S THE NEW GLEN DAVID GOLD!

I have been waiting seven long years for a new Glen David Gold novel. His first book, Carter Beats the Devil, is one of my and Steve’s favorite books. In fact, it’s one of the favorite books of every single bookseller I’ve ever worked with. It’s a perfect entertainment novel. It’s funny, has a great plot and *there’s magic on every page* (that was a little in joke between me and Steve.) There’s not magic on every page, but Carter (the hero) is a magician. And it’s set in California (specifically Oakland) at the time of the earthquake and Carter is such a great guy and it’s just OHMYGOD I love that novel. I’ve read it three times.

It’s also Gold’s first novel. And I feared it would be his only novel. I feared this because his wife is Alice Sebold of Lovely Bones fame and I thought, well, we’ll never see a book from Gold ever again because I sold so many copies of the Lovely Bones in hardcover, I still have the ISBN memorized (0316666343). It’s not logical, people.

Anyway, I just want to say THANK YOU to Glen David Gold, who one time came into my bookstore and I WAS NOT THERE, but he read my little handwritten review (it’s called a shelf talker, for you non-bookselling people) and he liked it. HE SAID HE LIKED IT!!! This made my year. Except, I also thought, huh, WHY DIDN’T YOU RETURN, GLEN, YOU LIVED UP THE STREET????

I have sort of a complicated relationship with Glen David Gold.

It’s internal.

Voice-driven.

He doesn’t know I exist.

(God, please let him have a google ego search. I HAVE A VERY POPULAR BLOG *Shush, Fan Club*, MR. GOLD, I WILL TOTALLY INTERVIEW YOU AND POST IT HERE! EMAIL ME!!!!!)

So, I started reading Sunnyside last night and so far, so good. Sooooooo gooooood. Except I read just three pages because the night before I went out drunking, which involved a lot of bourbon and a pitcher of sangria — alcohol allergy: CURED! And then I had four hours of sleep and so I went to bed at 8. And read three pages, which I enjoyed very much before I slept. So, anywayz, I’m a bit late on the draw pitching this for a review for money. So, I’m going to review it here, Internet. HERE! When I’m finished. It’s 550 pages.

Look for it in the distant future.

Happy Monday!

And if you see me passed out on the sidewalk, just pour some water on my lips and let me be.

Hmmmm

Kiala has asked me to blog and I do whatever Kiala says. I have a post in The Printed Blog this week. I like that thing. Basically, they’re taking blogging and putting it on paper. I love this. I have a class coming up on March 21st that you should attend for no other reason than I’m super-charming in front of people and MediaChick is making muffins and explaining tech stuff and she’s super-charming too.

I’m actually an excellent teacher, hard to believe I know.

Here’s what I wanted to talk about — why is there no Jane Austen pron? Like videos. And not greasy guys and women with faque boobs, but like Colin Firth gettin’ all passionate? Yes, we have the Tudors, but I find that show too stressful. That guy’s eyes are just so disturbing and you know Anne Boleyn, not matter how far she rises, will end up with her head in a basket.

See, I got sick *again* and this time I know exactly the moment it happened. We were on the airplane and this five year-old kid turned around and sneezed right on me. I said, “You really should cover your face when you sleep sneeze.” I said it just like that too because my voice doesn’t travel into the baby talk range. And then I got sick. I hate that kid.

And I was in bed and I watched Pride and Prejudice and Persuasion and Northanger Abbey and I’d just come off watching Sense and Sensibility about 25 times. And I was thinking, you know, I could really use an empire waist dress and some tea. A lot of tea. TEA CURES EVERYTHING. And why is there no Jane Austen porn?

There are some good soft core books. Mr. Darcy takes a Wife is excellently smutty. But someone should really make a soft-focus, high quality, empire waist-laden porn movie. And not something like Pride and Pumpyoumuch or whatever it would be called. But like Lizzy Bennett’s Boudoir. Or the Inner life of Lizzy. Or Lezzy Bennett and she could get together with Caroline Bingley — H.O.T.!

That’s as far as I got because I think I passed out from a fever.

See, I blogged.