Mud Trailing

Posted on | January 12, 2010 | 6 Comments

Okay, I have no idea if this will come out as funny as it was in my brain when I was crafting it on Sunday and I was so mad at Fancyhats, so mad I was radiating anger and Fancyhats said, “Oh I can feel the blog post brewing.”

Here’s what happened. I’ve been having a bit of the sads. I know it’s the sads because my life is really wonderful but I still feel like staring at the walls. And also because each morning I wake up to a slate gray sky and feel like a pillow is being pressed into my face. BUT I MARCH ON.

So Fancyhats and I have been going on long walks. Because we like that. Also sunsets. Essentially, we’re 80.

And we decided to go up to Forest Park, which is a beautiful trail area. We take the dog and we walk and it’s good. Except for Sunday when it had rained for 11 million eons and the trails were all muddy.

Some things you need to know:

1) Fancyhats took mountaineering classes for eight months in preparation for summitting Mount Hood.

2) I believe my Frye boots should take me everywhere, including on long walks.

3) Fancyhats has equally fancy shoes FOR ALL OCCASIONS.

4) See number 2.

5) I come from a land with no rain, thus no mud.

6) The trail we were on is hilly.

So there I am in my jeans, Frye boots, sassy beret and there’s Fancyhats (AKA Captian of the Mountaineering Squad) in his water-proof hiking boots and grungy jeans and I’m sure he hadn’t shaved that day just to be extra rugged.

A few more things you should know:

1) Fancyhats is the oldest child. He has a younger sister. He sometimes needs to teach me stuff.

2) I am an only child. Sometimes I have a hard time with men I’m involved with giving me instructions.

3) Fancyhats has a lot of instructions to give.

4) Did I mention the mountaineering class?

One more thing:

I don’t like smushy stuff on my feet. If I am at a beach with silty sand, I gag.

So there we were. Me in my Frye boots, walking up and down hill-swamps and listening to and feeling my boots squish and slosh. Now, I’m not worried about my Fryes. I happen to know they have a lifetime warranty and they’re waterproof and they’re boots. I believe in putting boots through their paces.

But what absolutely galling was the sound and the feeling and the fact that I WAS GOING TO FALL. And if I fell, I would surely cry and if I cried then Fancyhats would have WON.

Guys, just stop reading here because you don’t understand. But ladies, seriously, what is up with the fact that men cannot win. THEY JUST CAN’T.

So I was trying not to cry while marching and crafting this very blog post and also deciding, rather firmly, that MOVING TO PORTLAND WAS A MISTAKE BECAUSE OH MY GOD, WHY IS THERE SO MUCH RAIN AND NATURE?!?!?!?

And Fancyhats took that picture.

Then I started laughing. And swearing at the ferns. And laughing. And laughing. Basically it was a mental break. I felt something detatch from my skull. And we got lost (huzzah — MelissaLion – 1 Fancyhats – 0). And then we made it home.

And my boots look totally cool, all muddy toed. I wear them now with my jeans rolled up so all of Portland can see that ITS NATURE AND RAIN WON’T BEAT ME.

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