The Video

First, I want to tell you that I woke up hungover this morning. Only I haven’t had any booze for two weeks. Riddle me that, internet. Remember when this was happening last year and I gave up alcohol entirely? But I still woke up with hangovers?

In summary: my head hurts.

And Ken wanted the video that I liked so much.

Here tis:

(One word: Whoooo-tahs)

Nuts!

I was just going to link to a video I enjoyed six times yesterday, but I thought that would be weak after not blogging for two days.

I’ve been really trying to find blog fodder, but every day cannot be ripe with hilarity, can it?

So here’s what I was thinking about last night at 2am when I woke up and was panicking about taxes coming up and my mortgage and health insurance and OH MY GOD.

I thought about nuts.

And how I make banana bread with nuts. I believe banana bread should have nuts in it. Banana bread without nuts is just so meh to me.

Furthermore, I believed everyone felt this way….

Well, not so much.

You see, last night Fancyhats was enjoying some of my banana bread and I said, “Oh my god, isn’t it the best? I make the best banana bread. So yummy!”

And Fancyhats said, “It’s really good. Fiberous. And good.”

And I said, “Oh, fiberous because it’s got yummy chunks of banana in it.”

And he said, “Because of the nuts.”

I could tell from his voice that the nuts were a drawback to him. Perhaps counting against the possibility that my banana bread is the best in the whole world.

And I said, “Nuts belong in banana bread.”

And he said, “I like my mom’s banana bread. It’s squishy.”

I spent the next several seconds replaying in my head conversations I’ve had with Fancyhats regarding my baked goods. I claim I have baked the best bananabreadoatmealcookieschocolatechipcookies and he says “They’re fiberous.” And that’s because I put NUTS in all of those things.

Because I like nuts in baked goods.

Also, ice cream.

I don’t like nuts on their own. I’d never just grab a handful of nuts, but I love them in food.

And at 3am this morning when I’d processed all of this, I realized that perhaps not everyone feels like nuts are a necessary addition to baked goods. Also, people like that ARE WRONG.

On a related topic, Fancyhats prefers unsalted butter to salted butter. [See the paragraph above.]

New Project

You guys, I watched so much bad television this weekend. I watched America’s Next Top Model, Jersey Shore, What Not to Wear, Project Runway (this one isn’t bad TV, it’s actually THE BEST) and Say Yes to the Dress.

I feel like my skull rotted in my head a little bit.

But I did learn that if one has but five minutes for ones makeup, black mascara is the top priority. I always go powder and lipstick, no mascara because I’m like a chimp when it comes to putting on makeup, but whatever. I’ll add mascara to my powder, lipstick five minute makeup thing. OKAY STACEY AND CLINTON?!!?!?!

I worked on my sweater.

I might actually finish this one. It’s a very fast knit and I’m going to treat the sleeves like socks. I’m going to bring them with me when I need a mobile knitting project. The sweater looks huge, but I’ve compared it to my hoodie several times, checked the gauge and the size and I’m smaller than gauge so it should be fine.

It still loooks huge, though.

If it is too big for me, I’ll just frog it. I’ve been all about frogging projects. It’s so cathartic. I have a sweater I knit and hate and I’m thinking of frogging that one too.

And, I have a new project, people. A while back, Kiala and I went to karaoke and she suggested I grow my hair out. I’ve never had long hair. I mean I did when I was ten and then I cut it all off when I was 13 and I’ve had hair above my shoulders ever since.

As you know, Kiala’s hair is her power. She lets it down and the space-time continuum bends. Seriously. If you’ve never seen this, then I’m sorry for you.

She suggested to celebrate my new life I try new hair. I have very, very thick hair. Very thick. And I need styles to prevent it from looking like a mushroom. And Fancyhats like to see my neck and ears. But I why not try long hair before I’m 40? I’m 34 now.

Frankly, the only reason I want the long hair is so I can wear braided pigtails.

I’m going to keep my bangs short because that’s my signature. And after that, I’m going to grow my hair long. I’ll need to have it layered and styled and take better care of it than I do now, but whatever.

Also, who knows if I can actually do this. I might just go mental and chop it off again.

Here’s where I’m starting from.

Wish me luck.

Friends and Knitting and Things

First off, do you know my friend Bridget Pilloud? We’re teaching a very inexpensive retreat together on February 21st. It’s a sliding scale ($20-45 per person). It’s part writing, part woo-woo self-help stuff. But it’s not touchy feely because Bridget isn’t that way. She’s very hep and funny and super ironic. And she does these things called Soul Notes. You get a daily email. Here’s today’s:

Muy, Muy Spicy, Outer Me!

I was thinking about a snack today.

It’s sweet and spicy and even a little decadent. It’s surprisingly healthy.  It rocks.

Hmm….those words also describe you. How Cool Is That?

Later, if you’re into this, we might try this soul snack.

Mango+Cayenne Pepper + Lime + Avocado…

Slice a mango into bite-sized pieces.
Dust with Cayenne Pepper.
Slice a lime into wedges, and squirt lime juice over the mango.
Then cut up an avocado and toss half of it in too.
Or leave the avocado out, whatever. It’s all good.
Or just eat the avocado separately with a spoon and some crackers.

Toss.
Eat.
Num.

Like Manna from Heaven, you are.  (bright and tasty)-

Inner Me

So sign up for that here.

And I’ve decided to bypass Fancyhats knitting and just knit a sweater for myself. Because I’m magnanimous that way. Also I don’t have yarn for Fancyhats’s sweater and I just haven’t found the yarn I want to use. I was thinking of a wool cotton blend. I don’t know.

I’m in my third winter in Portland, and I’m realizing that despite the rain and the gray skies for months on end, it’s just not that cold here. I don’t think he’d wear a 100% wool hand knit sweater.

So, I’m knitting the Hourglass Sweater from Last Minute Knitted Gifts for myself. I’ve had the yarn for this sweater for five years. I am not kidding. I bought it when I was pregnant with Archie. It’s silk cashmere. AND I HAVE NOT USED IT. I’ve had silk cashmere yarn in my stash for five years. Oh the shame. I have not knit a successful sweater and I’m determined to do it this time.

Also, I had a realization when it comes to sweater knitting, I’m just going to go with the flow. Take it easy. Not micromanage the whole thing. This weekend, Fancyhats is out of town and I’m going to watch terrible television, eat Burgerville and knit this sweater. All weekend.

And I finished a project for a new client. I feel very proud of myself. The project came out really nice and I was able to pour everything in my brain out about the topic and organize it with visuals and make it all professional and awesome. And I finished a week before the deadline. What I’m trying to say is that I’m awesome.

My New Hiking Boots

Fancyhats was so worried about my hiking abilities, he bought me new shoes. They had them in black, but I thought the brown would be so much better as I forged a bold trail in the Portland wilderness.

Aren’t they so cute?

They’re little cupcakes for my feet.

Stuff and Things

1) I think pizza has surpassed Mexican food as my favorite cuisine.

2) We’re booking Back Fence storytellers for March 25th. We heard the most amazing story last night. OMG.

3) I have a date with Fancyhats tonight. We’re going to see live music. Going to see bands is not something I love doing. Because it’s boring. Boring. A lot of boredom. I don’t like standing there with a bunch of children while they act like they hate the music or hate each other or hate life and also drink PBR. You know, I’ve never had PBR? TRUE. But I’m excited for tonight. Because I think it’s the first time Fancyhats and I have been to a show. You know, a show. I was in high school when I transitioned from concerts to shows.

There was an all ages club at UCSD (San Diego kids — what was that club called?!?!)  and also we’d go to my favorite place — Chabalaba and we’d go there to see punk shows and mainly to find cute boys. Okay, I was there to find cute boys. At Chabalaba we’d drink Mexican hot chocolate and look all cool. I had a vest I’d wear with a wife beater under it. And a candy necklace. I don’t know. I was a teenage girl.

Chabalaba was the first place I ever had gourmet Mexican food. You know, the fancy kind. I loved it.

Also we’d go to the World Music Center in Balboa park and see Sprung Monkey and act like we hated it. But, again, cute boys.

And then in college, I went to Slims in San Francisco and saw No Doubt. And I revisited the vest wife beater combo. Also, suspenders and pinstripe pants. No candy necklaces, because — sticky.

And then I went out with a mod and I wore skinny jeans and neck ties. We used to go see jazz.

I remember the moment I decided I could not attend another live show. It was at Cafe du Nord in San Francisco. We were seeing the Mountain Goats. A band I detest, but I decided I’d try again because the first time we saw them in San Diego at the Casbah a cockroach ran across my foot. And then I saw roaches everywhere and the Mountain Goats were just up there droning on and on and on. AND THERE WERE COCKROACHES RUNNING EVERYWHERE. I had a wee panic attack.

But we went again to see the Mountain Goats. At Cafe Du Nord, which is underground. Literally. And they’d sold it out, past capacity. And every single person in the space was taller than I was. And they were touching me with their sweaty bodies and swaying to the Mountain Goats terrible whiny boring music and I thought, well. This is certainly my version of hell. Also, cockroaches.

Where was I going with this?!?!

Tonight. I don’t think I’m going to wear a vest, or pinstripe pants, or a necktie and especially not a candy necklace. But I am very excited to go to a show with Fancyhats. Because he’s excited. And I like holding his hand and I like seeing him enjoy music. And we’re going to The Woods, my favorite space in Portland. It has a ton of tiny rooms so if I get that panicky feeling with too many people facing one direction and swaying and acting like they hate everything, then I’ll just go to a different room.

And I know The Woods is immaculate. Because I’ve been there during the day, and also I’ve done a show there. No bugs.

Also, there are girl singers where we’re going. I like girl singers. And, best of all, NO MOUNTAIN GOATS!

Here’s the Mountain Goats. You tell me if this just doesn’t give you a panic attack.

Spaghetti

Sometimes people think knitting is a more economical option than buying knitwear.

It is not. That’s 10 years of not taking care of my yarn stash. It’s 10 years of just tossing the left over yarn from finished projects in my yarn bin. It’s 10 years of UFO’s (unfinished objects).

I’ve rescued all but one of the skeins I want to from that mess. The rest of it will go in the garbage.

Tres economical, no?

Here’s a very dark picture of the rescued yarn. That’s not even all of it.

Lego Love

Archie got legos from Fancymom for Christmas. When Archie unwrapped that gift, my first thought was meh followed shortly by: DEAR GOD I’M GOING TO STEP ON THOSE THINGS.

Meh because I’m a girl. And I’ve never owned a lego. To me, they look like little bits of things I’ll need to stoop to pick up about 50 times a day and that is just not fun. Also, there’s no way to put clothes on them or dye their hair blue. Or day dream of a life in Malibu with beach parties and tiny waists.

As for the stepping on them part, well, Moms can I hear a what what about stepping on toys? In the morning? Or on the way to the bathroom in the middle of the night? Or what about stepping on bath toys on the shower? Anyone ever step on a Lincoln Log? I HAVE. For those of you without children, let me just say that in the split second after stepping on a toy, there are expletives. A lot of them. In rapid fire.

I put away the legos and didn’t really encourage Archie to play with them unless Fancyhats was around because I didn’t want to clean them up and I didn’t want to sit there pressing little bits of knobby plastic into other bits of knobby plastic.

Until a few nights ago when I discovered that legos come with a guide. Recipes. A pattern book, if you will. These patterns follow step-by-step instructions for building various things. And not only that, but Archie’s legos came with patterns for a farm, and farm animals, trucks and a gas station. A GAS STATION!

If you follow the pattern, you can build these little bits of awesomeness.

IT’S LIKE KNITTING, PEOPLE.

I can sit there and meticulously work with my hands and have a finished product that looks how it’s supposed to! And I CAN DO IT WITH ARCHIE AND FANCYHATS!!!! This eliminates that pesky knitting guilt I feel when I’m knitting and ignoring everything around me BECAUSE KNITTING IS THE ONLY TIME THE VOICES ARE QUIET!!! Also the parenting guilt I feel because racing cars around the couch bores me to tears and sometimes that’s all Archie wants to do and I tell him that my car is broken and maybe he could fix it in his room. My car breaks a lot.

Now I’m all about the legos, and like knitting, I want more. I keep looking in this one little set of legos and wishing there were more. I want the space station lego kit and the shopping mall lego kit and the office park lego kit. I WANT THE WORLD!

In summary, legos have made me a better parent. Also, they are like knitting. Except I can’t wear them out to places.

Mud Trailing

Okay, I have no idea if this will come out as funny as it was in my brain when I was crafting it on Sunday and I was so mad at Fancyhats, so mad I was radiating anger and Fancyhats said, “Oh I can feel the blog post brewing.”

Here’s what happened. I’ve been having a bit of the sads. I know it’s the sads because my life is really wonderful but I still feel like staring at the walls. And also because each morning I wake up to a slate gray sky and feel like a pillow is being pressed into my face. BUT I MARCH ON.

So Fancyhats and I have been going on long walks. Because we like that. Also sunsets. Essentially, we’re 80.

And we decided to go up to Forest Park, which is a beautiful trail area. We take the dog and we walk and it’s good. Except for Sunday when it had rained for 11 million eons and the trails were all muddy.

Some things you need to know:

1) Fancyhats took mountaineering classes for eight months in preparation for summitting Mount Hood.

2) I believe my Frye boots should take me everywhere, including on long walks.

3) Fancyhats has equally fancy shoes FOR ALL OCCASIONS.

4) See number 2.

5) I come from a land with no rain, thus no mud.

6) The trail we were on is hilly.

So there I am in my jeans, Frye boots, sassy beret and there’s Fancyhats (AKA Captian of the Mountaineering Squad) in his water-proof hiking boots and grungy jeans and I’m sure he hadn’t shaved that day just to be extra rugged.

A few more things you should know:

1) Fancyhats is the oldest child. He has a younger sister. He sometimes needs to teach me stuff.

2) I am an only child. Sometimes I have a hard time with men I’m involved with giving me instructions.

3) Fancyhats has a lot of instructions to give.

4) Did I mention the mountaineering class?

One more thing:

I don’t like smushy stuff on my feet. If I am at a beach with silty sand, I gag.

So there we were. Me in my Frye boots, walking up and down hill-swamps and listening to and feeling my boots squish and slosh. Now, I’m not worried about my Fryes. I happen to know they have a lifetime warranty and they’re waterproof and they’re boots. I believe in putting boots through their paces.

But what absolutely galling was the sound and the feeling and the fact that I WAS GOING TO FALL. And if I fell, I would surely cry and if I cried then Fancyhats would have WON.

Guys, just stop reading here because you don’t understand. But ladies, seriously, what is up with the fact that men cannot win. THEY JUST CAN’T.

So I was trying not to cry while marching and crafting this very blog post and also deciding, rather firmly, that MOVING TO PORTLAND WAS A MISTAKE BECAUSE OH MY GOD, WHY IS THERE SO MUCH RAIN AND NATURE?!?!?!?

And Fancyhats took that picture.

Then I started laughing. And swearing at the ferns. And laughing. And laughing. Basically it was a mental break. I felt something detatch from my skull. And we got lost (huzzah — MelissaLion – 1 Fancyhats – 0). And then we made it home.

And my boots look totally cool, all muddy toed. I wear them now with my jeans rolled up so all of Portland can see that ITS NATURE AND RAIN WON’T BEAT ME.

Citron Finished!

I finished Citron last night! That last part was a haul, let me tell you. Casting off? Fancyhats kept asking me what was wrong. There was a lot of huffing and puffing and sighing and general sounds of disgruntlement coming from my direction. What was wrong was casting off 555 stitches. That’s what was wrong. But I muddled through and now I have a pretty little shawlette.

I still don’t love it as much as I loved my lost Shetland Triangle, but I think I just need to get over it. I just need to be happy with other knitted things, like Citron. Like the sweater I’m going to knit Fancyhats.

V said I could avoid the sweater curse if I knit Fancyhats a scarf first. Well, I’VE ALREADY DONE THAT! We weren’t going out at the time. It was back in the days when Fancyhats was a sponsor and we were all professional colleagues or whatever. I asked him if there was anything I could do for him to say thank you for all of his support of Back Fence. And he said, “I’d love a scarf!” So I made him one.

I’ve also made him socks.

Citron!

More Citron

First thing I knit for Fancyhats

Red Sox for Fancyhats