Explain it to Me Like I’m Simple
Posted on | November 9, 2009 | 12 Comments
We did a little karaoke the other night at Chop3 (How Can Be Lounge). I prefer Chop3 to Chop2, which is Kiala’s favorite, because the crowd is usually far smaller so you can get your songs and the talent is more…ahem…to my level. Have I mentioned that I cannot sing and karaoke frightens me to the core of my soul but I do a song each time anyway?
Also Chop3 is near my hood. It’s out on Columbia, which runs for miles all the way to the airport through acres of strip clubs, lumber yards and scrap metal plants. The nice part of town.
So we were there and a young woman got on the mic and said, “I’m from Brooklyn, New York. So I know this song. If you’re not from Brooklyn, you won’t know this song.” And she sang Fresh by Kool & The Gang.
Though I felt as if I knew that song, I knew, at that moment, that I could not. I could have no idea of such a song because I wasn’t from Brooklyn, New York.
And then I thought of all the people who aren’t from San Diego, CA and all of the things they wouldn’t know.
So I thought I’d list them for you.
Ready?
A List of Things You Wouldn’t Know If You’re Not From San Diego
1) The Pacific Ocean
The Pacific Ocean is a huge mass of water. It has whales and fish and a lot of seaweed that sometimes washes up on the beach and makes the beach smelly, but popping those big seaweed ball-things sure is fun.
Boats travel on the Pacific Ocean to get to magical places like Catalina and China.
2) Mexico
Mexico is a country that borders San Diego. Mexico is best known for its food, beer and that San Diego high schoolers can drive to the border, park on the US side, walk across, dodge children selling chiclet and end up with a night full of very bad decisions.
3) Jack In the Box
Jack in the Box (or Juaquin en la Caja as we called it) is a fast food restaurant based in San Diego. In the 80’s there was some bacteria in the food that eliminated weaker members of our society. Since then they’ve dumbed down their food and made a name for themselves using a pingpong ball antenna ornament as their spokesperson.
Also, their tacos might or might not be filled with real meat.
4) The San Diego Chicken
Admittedly, this one is a tiny bit obscure. But I think the argument could be made that there would be no professional sports mascots or their ensuing zaniness without the San Diego Chicken.
5) Ratt
YOU’RE WELCOME.
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12 Responses to “Explain it to Me Like I’m Simple”
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November 9th, 2009 @ 5:42 am
i’m very proud of you for confronting your epic and deep-seated fear of public karaoke. especially since i know you don’t tolerate massive amounts of ethanol.
what song(s) did you pick, out of curiosity?
November 9th, 2009 @ 7:44 am
What are the big seaweed ball thingies? I’ve never heard of such a thing.
November 9th, 2009 @ 9:11 am
You stay classy San Diego.
(And screw you Peoria.)
November 9th, 2009 @ 10:15 am
Did anyone boo the “New York” girl? I would have. BOOOOOOOO
November 9th, 2009 @ 10:24 am
Ken: I try and stick with Madonna and Prince. Because neither one of them can sing, but both make people shake their booties. I also sang Faith by George Michael once. That was fun.
k8: These are really big: http://tripcart.typepad.com/tripcart_the_blog/images/2007/03/22/simply_seaweed_by_creativty_at_flic.jpg
Ben: Peoria, AZ is where the Padres practice. I say GO PEORIA!
Robert: There was a lot of booing coming from my table.
November 9th, 2009 @ 10:48 am
How old was this New York girl? Nine? ten?
Also, this is my favorite post. Ever.
November 9th, 2009 @ 12:22 pm
Things you don’t know about Rhode Island:
We do not drive more than 20 minutes away from home without making sure we have a full tank of gas and a water bottle and a bagged lunch.
When they predict snow, even if it’s only an inch or two, EVERYONE AND THEIR GRANDMA runs to the store to buy milk and bread.
If you don’t drink Del’s lemonade at least once in the summer, we kick you out of the state.
I’m sure there’s more but I’m feeling a blog post of my own coming on about this. I’ll spare your comments section…
PS: I would NEVER do karaoke. NEVER. I can’t sing worth a shit and it would be awful and then I’d die and then it would be even more awful. So, good for you! You’ve got balls.
November 9th, 2009 @ 12:37 pm
wifey: you forgot coffee milk, gaggers, grinders, cheese-less pizza strips, bubblers, doughboys, and quahogs.
and up until a few days ago, indoor prostitution was still legal. (bummer we lost that one.)
interesting fact: yosemite national park in CA is about the same size as RI.
November 9th, 2009 @ 3:07 pm
Ken, I assume these are all food items (I recognize a couple) but to be honest, they all sound like behind the scenes porn industry lingo…
gaggers, grinders, cheese-less pizza strips, bubblers, doughboys, and quahogs all sound like filthy, fetishy goodness.
November 9th, 2009 @ 9:10 pm
Crissy, I thought that that was only a Southern thing (milk and bread). We don’t do well with snow. It’s not like we’re going to be housebound for more than 1 day but everyone freaks the fuck out.
November 10th, 2009 @ 9:04 am
ben, now that you mention it, it TOTALLY DOES!
and that makes me even prouder to be a roe-die-landa.
“crissy still hasn’t walked right after that last quahogging.”
November 10th, 2009 @ 12:13 pm
[...] lives in a quaint little New England town called Brooklyn, New York, obviously is in the know about Kool and the Gang, and is [...]