Get Yer Tickets Now!

Once again, Portland is being so awesomely supportive of Back Fence! Thank you to everyone who has bought tickets to Word to the Wise(men). Those tickets are flying so get ‘em while you can.

Go here. Press Begin Order.

And away you go!

Shut ‘Er Down

I’m going to take some time off from blogging. I would like to say that I’ll take one month off and at the end of that, see how I feel, but who knows.

I’m currently looking for full-time work. I want to be around people during the day and Back Fence combined with freelance writing has given me whole lot of great experience I look forward to adding to a corporate environment. And I’m going to spend the time I would blog looking for the right full-time job. If you hear of anything, please drop me a line.

I’ll continue posting at backfencepdx.com. I’ll continue writing at narrativeactualization.com. But this blog is getting shuttered for the time being.

I feel very exposed lately and as a result, I’ve been blogging about things that aren’t that important to me. It’s become very fake over here, but I don’t feel comfortable writing about things that are personal anymore.

I just want to regroup for a bit. And find a great job. I also want to try living without always looking for blog material.

I’m still on Twitter and, begrudgingly, on Facebook, but both are getting scaled back. My email works, as does my phone. If you’d like to get together, or hear of a good job lead drop me a line. Come to Back Fence’s December 2nd event, listed in the sidebar.

Thank you all for reading my blog. I really appreciate it. You all show me a level of support I could have never dreamed of five years ago.

–Melissa

Tonight!!!

Back Fence is tonight.

Advanced tickets here. After 3:30, they’re at the door of the Mission Theater!

Hahahahah

Look at the weather for Portland. LOOK AT IT, INTERNET.

I feel like you guys don’t believe me when I say that it’s rained for eleventy million days. Well, it has. IT HAS.

This post is for the ladies.

Crissy posted yesterday about buying a new dress for our big dinner on Tuesday. That’s right, LESS THAN A WEEK BEFORE THE INTERNET COLLAPSES ONTO ITSELF.

She didn’t post a picture of her dress, but I can imagine that it’s adorable and she’s tiny and blond and will be looking so adorable.

And I want to be adorable too. But I’m not blond or tiny (two strikes against me in the adorable catagory and WAIT– I just realize where my mental problems come from. The fact that I always wanted to be adorable, but I’m sort of not. I’m clumsy and 5′7″ and not tiny. And all I wanted when I was a pre-teen girl was to sit like Rachel Schwartz in my school chair but ONLY TAKE UP HALF THE SEAT. I’ve never taken up but half of a seat. Ever. I want that. To take up just half a seat. It’s never going to happen. No matter how much I cross my legs and lean to one side.)

Phew.

I feel so much better now.

Okay, back to me.

Wait.

So, when we meet for dinner in Boston, Fancyhats and I will have been out all day using public transportation and wandering around a big city and so I won’t be able to change. My clothes will have to be comfortable, warm and also fashionable.

And we’re going to the east coast, so I sort of think my normal Portland solution to that — Cotton dress, calf-legnth leggings, yellow Frye boots, hoodie and puffy vest won’t quite work. We Portland girls rock the comfort, funk, not too flattering fashion like no one else. I’m pretty sure jeans under a dress was born here. I wish it would also die here, but PDX ladies are holding onto that one strong.

I’m going to raid Kiala’s closet tomorrow for an outfit. So I’ll keep you posted, but if you have any suggestions on what girls on the east coast are wearing and if leggings are appropriate then do tell. DO TELL.

Events and Retreats and Stuff

Okay, so Back Fence tickets are selling faster than any show previous. Needless to say, we’re very happy about this. Do you have your tickets? If not, I think you should probably go and buy them.

I’m posting over on Narrative Actualization. I realize I’m slowly compiling all the stuff I know about writing. So if you’re interested in writing, or my writing thoughts, subscribe to that blog. And buy a writing bite!

And I’ve been checking the weather for Boston. This week it’s been sunny and in the high 50’s. This gave me hope. It’s rained in Portland for seven weeks straight. But the week we’re there? RAIN. OMG people. OMG.

In other news, I sat under Tahiti for a full hour this morning.

I’m in a Relationship

You guys, I think I might be in a relationship with Hotel deLuxe. I’d like to marry it. Can I do that? Marry a hotel? Maybe New Hampshire could work on getting that into the state’s constitution or something?

We arrived and set our things in the room and promptly went to the Driftwood Room for drinkies. The bartender there is one of those old skool dudes, and he’s also a chef when it comes to drinks. The special drink of the night was something he’d concocted himself from bourbon, punt e mes and some liquor he was the first to bring into the state of Oregon. It was divine.

I had a Goldfinger, which is made from Champagne. And some other stuff that was probably magical because I think I might have licked the inside of the glass. After that, Fancyhats took me to a beautiful dinner at Paley’s Place in NW. It was great but the waitress was pretty rude. She just didn’t care one way or another if we ate, enjoyed our meal, or really lived or died while we sat there. Blech. But the food was great.

We came back to deLuxe and lo and behold who was sitting in the lobby, but MAYOR SAM ADAMS. I know, right? I rub elbows with political power brokers. I mean I would have, but I may have had a tiny bit to drink and when I told Fancyhats, “I’m going to talk to him,” which sounded like “HE TOTALLY KNOWS WHO I AM BECAUSE I KNOW HIS DIRECTOR OR PLANNER OR SOMETHING I’M GOING TO TALK TO HIM BECAUSE I’M FAMOUS!” Fancyhats held my elbow and gently encouraged me to maybe not go sit on our mayor’s lap and tell him about how I might or might not find Beau Breedlove attractive and so I could totally understand the urge to put ones whole political career on the line for a snog in the bathroom. Also, YOU ARE NO GAVIN NEWSOM, FRIEND.

I have a thing for mayors.

ANYWAY.

The room at the deLuxe was so detailed. It’s just lovely. We had a corner room, with windows along two walls. The bathroom was fully tiled, crown molding, real wood everywhere and a bed I thought I could maybe sew to my body and go through life with it attached so I could just lie down at any time.

We had breakfast at Gracie’s in the hotel. I had the eggs benedict with spinach and mushrooms. OMG, it was delicious. I also had my first Bloody Mary. I really want to like these, internet. But I didn’t. I didn’t like the Bloody Mary. I feel like less of a grown up. Sigh.

Anyway, it was a great staycation. And as soon as some state allows me to marry a building, I’ll invite you all to my wedding!

Staycation

Tonight Fancyhats and I are having a staycation. We’re staying at Hotel deLuxe. If I’m ever a rich, precocious little girl whose adventures are documented in a picture book, I’m going to live at Hotel deLuxe.

Also, I’m going to drink at their bar, the Driftwood room. This bar makes me feel like I’m having an affair and we must cozy up in the big booth so the paparazzi won’t take our picture. I hope Fancyhats wears a Fancyhat. Though I know gentlemen don’t wear hats inside, he looks very good in his new Fancyhat.

I might also wear stockings because I want to sit at the barstool and cross my legs and make that scratchy sound with my nylons. I think that’s sort of sexy.

I might wear my Fancyhat, courtesy of Fancyhats.

All I know is this week has been incredibly rough and I’m looking forward to the peace and quiet.

In other words…

Have a great weekend, Fan Club!

Writing Bites

Yesterday Fancyhats objected to the name Writing Bites. Said it sounded like I was saying writing sucked. Well, I sort of am saying writing sucks. No one enjoys the act of writing. It feels like someone slowly poking you in the eyeballs with bamboo toothpicks. It’s difficult and slow and it’s never, ever over. Revision is always an option, even when your book is already in print.

I saw Lorrie Moore read in Berkeley and each book she signed, she drew a line through three sentences she’d rather someone had cut. I’ve never read my own novels in print. It’s just too painful. But someone did tell me once, after Swollen came out, “You really should change the title. I just can’t stand it.”

Everyone’s an editor…

So how does writing un-suck? Having a new sense of where that story could go. You can re-vision it, get that new story feeling back. You know that feeling. The one that lets you write the first 2500 words in a burst of glee and discovery?

With Writing Bites, I’ll give you that new story feeling. I’ll read your work, ask some questions and give you a fresh direction. Check ‘em out –  $35 for 10 pages plus a critique? DEAL OF THE CENTURY! Or something.

Cash for Clunkers?

First off, I’m partnering up with the fantastic Bridget Pilloud for a new project called Narrative Actualization! I know, right?!?! We’re changing stories! I’m teaching the writing portion, and Bridget is teaching the life changing portion and it’s going to be awesome. You can follow our progress here and here.

And I was riding my bike yesterday, in the rain, with Archie in the trailer on the back and I had this thought — I’ve not been honest with the fan club about my bike trailer. I was huffing and puffing up a very small hill and thinking that you all were probably picturing me (because that’s how you spend your days, right?) riding my shiny pretty Bianchi with a glossy Burley on the back and smiling the whole way. None of this is true.

My Bianchi is 7 years old and though it is a noble steed, it is not shiny. But the bike trailer. OMG you guys. I bought it on Craigslist for $40. It’s a wal-mart off-brand. I used it year round and now there’s hole in the bottom Archie needs to avoid because otherwise he’ll fall straight through, the cover doesn’t close all the way and worst of all — both tires are flat.

When both tires went flat about three months ago, I just left them. Here was my thought: I’ll get a better work out. And sure enough, it’s even more challenging riding with a 40lb kid in a 20lb trailer with two flat tires.

Then I thought, well, I’ll put some air in them because this is silly. So I did and I promptly popped one of the tubes. At that point, I couldn’t fill up the other one because then I’d be lopsided. On I rode.

Now, in the rain, the tires squeak and squeal and pedestrians look at me. Yesterday it was two moms in their tricked out rain gear with their perfect $700 strollers who were checking out my action. I was embarrassed, internet. I tried to play it off like I was just on my way to the gas station to fill up the offending tires and that would have worked had I not been pedaling away from the nearest gas station.

On my way home, I thought, you know what America needs? America needs a cash for clunkers bike trailer program. Because, right? We could all use that.

And if there were such a thing, I’d trade in my $40 junker bike trailer and get this:

I want this now. Badly. Xtracycle. WANT.

Explain it to Me Like I’m Simple

We did a little karaoke the other night at Chop3 (How Can Be Lounge). I prefer Chop3 to Chop2, which is Kiala’s favorite, because the crowd is usually far smaller so you can get your songs and the talent is more…ahem…to my level. Have I mentioned that I cannot sing and karaoke frightens me to the core of my soul but I do a song each time anyway?

Also Chop3 is near my hood. It’s out on Columbia, which runs for miles all the way to the airport through acres of strip clubs, lumber yards and scrap metal plants. The nice part of town.

So we were there and a young woman got on the mic and said, “I’m from Brooklyn, New York. So I know this song. If you’re not from Brooklyn, you won’t know this song.” And she sang Fresh by Kool & The Gang.

Though I felt as if I knew that song, I knew, at that moment, that I could not. I could have no idea of such a song because I wasn’t from Brooklyn, New York.

And then I thought of all the people who aren’t from San Diego, CA and all of the things they wouldn’t know.

So I thought I’d list them for you.

Ready?

A List of Things You Wouldn’t Know If You’re Not From San Diego

1) The Pacific Ocean

The Pacific Ocean is a huge mass of water. It has whales and fish and a lot of seaweed that sometimes washes up on the beach and makes the beach smelly, but popping those big seaweed ball-things sure is fun.

Boats travel on the Pacific Ocean to get to magical places like Catalina and China.

2) Mexico

Mexico is a country that borders San Diego. Mexico is best known for its food, beer and that San Diego high schoolers can drive to the border, park on the US side, walk across, dodge children selling chiclet and end up with a night full of very bad decisions.

3) Jack In the Box

Jack in the Box (or Juaquin en la Caja as we called it) is a fast food restaurant based in San Diego. In the 80’s there was some bacteria in the food that eliminated weaker members of our society. Since then they’ve dumbed down their food and made a name for themselves using a pingpong ball antenna ornament as their spokesperson.

Also, their tacos might or might not be filled with real meat.

4) The San Diego Chicken

Admittedly, this one is a tiny bit obscure. But I think the argument could be made that there would be no professional sports mascots or their ensuing zaniness without the San Diego Chicken.

5) Ratt

YOU’RE WELCOME.