Skinny Jeans
Posted on | September 18, 2009 | 4 Comments
OMG, it’s Friday!
I wore my skinny jeans last night for the first time. Let me tell you how elegant it looks for a grown woman to hike up her jeans before sitting down. I didn’t realize the logistics involved in sitting in skinny jeans. My skinny jeans are a size 29, and I’m going to keep bragging about that because I puked and crapped three seconds after eating for a month and a half and the upshot of that is I wear a size 29. They’re extra tight. And I still have my woman curves even though I fit into a size 29 jeans.
I wore my skinny jeans to this graphic design function. It was in the Peacock Cleaners at the Ace Hotel. The Ace is a very hip, posh hotel and they took over the cleaners next door and remodeled it and made it all posh like the hotel. When we started Back Fence, it was my dream that we’d, one day, have our event at the cleaners. The cleaners holds 98 people. The Mission, which we sell out, holds 300. I was dreaming big.
Anysize29jeans (okay, that one didn’t work), I was at the event with a bunch of 19-year-old design students and their small spectacles and their skinny jeans and as I sat down in the full room of these very self-conscious people, I realized I didn’t hike up my jeans and that my ass crack would show.
It’s one thing for a 34 year-old woman to wear skinny jeans, quite another for her ass crack to show for an hour. So I stood up halfway and hiked. Then sat back down. And sat perfectly still for an hour in a state of pure fear that my ass would traumatize the young girl sitting behind me and dreaming of a day that she would find a man who could wear skinny jeans and an ironic mustache and not stink in his man parts after he rides his fixie the 25 blocks to her house.
Then Fancyhats and I went to Clyde Commons and ate their popcorn, which is the best popcorn in the entire world. True.
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4 Responses to “Skinny Jeans”
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September 18th, 2009 @ 12:31 pm
Sorry. I forgot to tell you about the ass crack part.
But I’ve given you a demonstration of it MANY TIMES while getting out of Fancyhats’ truck so really, you should have remembered.
September 18th, 2009 @ 3:52 pm
Where can I find these young women dreaming of ironic moustaches and skinny jeans and riding bikes?
I mean… My moustache isn’t ironic and totally legit.
September 19th, 2009 @ 10:11 am
I’m not a skinny jeans wearing kind of girl. Even after my two weeks of the pukies, I still don’t think I couldd wear them.
September 21st, 2009 @ 1:01 pm
i want to see you and kiala hike your jeans up.
it sounds awesome