Me and Michael Phelps
Posted on | August 18, 2009 | 8 Comments
Last year I rode my bike year-round. And, granted, I still managed to put on about ten pounds over winter, I’ve lost it all and I’m down to my summer weight. I credit all the puking I did last month.
I love riding my bike. Love it. But the problem with riding year-round is that it makes me cold. If I rode in the morning, I’d be cold all day long. And my toes would hurt because they’d be so cold. I also think my freezing my ass off contributed to the sads last year.
Also, Archie is starting preschool in September and the school isn’t bikeable for me. But there is a indoor pool nearby. With a sauna.
So here’s my brilliant plan: I’ll swim in winter.
Here’s the problem: We go to an outdoor pool here in Portland. It’s little. Tiny. And I can barely swim the length of it. When I reach the other side of the pool, my lungs feel as if they’re going to burn their way out of my chest cavity and explode.
The indoor pool is 25 yards long. I don’t think I’ll actually be able to cross it once. I have no idea how I can ride ten miles on my bike with Archie in the trailer on the back and not even be sore the next day. But swimming feels like an act of suicide.
I’m determined to change this. I’m going to swim in winter. And by the end of winter, I’ll be like “Oh yeah, I swim 87 laps a day. No problem.” Because you know when you hear crap like that it makes you feel bad. And I’m all about using my physical fitness to shame others.
Also, I plan to smoke a lot of dope and win gold. Just, you know, gold. In whatever form.
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8 Responses to “Me and Michael Phelps”
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August 18th, 2009 @ 10:57 am
I endorse and admire your message of dope smoking and winning gold. You’ve inspired me this morning to have aspirations of actually returning to the gym.
August 18th, 2009 @ 11:48 am
Smoking dope and swimming sounds exactly like my summer. I will have the SADS this winter though because our “herb garden” will die and the pool will be closed.
I am jealous of your bike. I want a bike.
August 18th, 2009 @ 11:55 am
I know nothing about swimming except that my boyfriend was a collegiate swimmer and he has the best arms ever. I hope you also get the best arms ever.
August 18th, 2009 @ 12:18 pm
OMG! I just realized what you can do to increase your original art collection. When Archie is in Preschool, he will bring home an abundance of his artwork. He will be very proud of all of it and you will want to throw it out. What I did was string up a wire on the wall and I use funky clips to clip up Char’s artwork. It looks cool and very colorful and it makes her feel good that we display her work. After it’s been up for a while, we cut it up and make cards for people out of it.
How’s THAT for smugacity?
August 18th, 2009 @ 1:45 pm
You can always swim the pool the short way and interrupt all the other swimmers. They’ll get out of your way if you splash and kick enough.
August 19th, 2009 @ 1:10 pm
Good for you Melissa!
I always found one of my favorite exercises in the pool was to get in about 3-4 feet of water and try to run as fast as you can to the other side. Much harder than you’d think and it breaks up the monotony of swimming endless laps. And its good for most of your major muscle groups.
Also, one of my co-workers swims almost daily and he swears by his waterproof ipod case and headphones. Might make the time go by faster. Good luck!
August 19th, 2009 @ 5:20 pm
Swimming is all about being as lazy as possible. You’ll just have to find some poor soul to help you perfect your stroke so that you use as little energy as possible while going as fast as possible. THAT’S how people can go swimming forever in a day, not because they’re buff or something. They’re actually sneakily lazy!
August 19th, 2009 @ 5:26 pm
I like to swim to the bottom of the pool and sit there as long as possible.