My Ikea Footprint
Posted on | July 13, 2009 | 12 Comments
Okay you guys I had the black plague for five whole days. But I’m back and better than ever.
This morning @seeger posted a link to an article about Ikea. And how bad it is. I’ve not read this article because I’m a fragile flower and I care about the world and I don’t want to subject my frail flowerility to any world naughtiness. Also, as I re-do my house I’ll be purchasing things from Ikea. Like window treatments.
But I want to be a good person and I don’t truly want innocent oranguntans bleeding because I have a fancy bed.
Isn’t it fancy? I feel so pretty in it. And I love it and want to hug it. Also, I’M PAINTING MY BEDROOM PINK!
Where was I?
Right, I went to Home Depot today with a genuine lesbian–the Recovering Straight Girl. Unfortunately, she sold her Lesbaru before we went so we took my SUV. And I wore my Dansko clogs because it’s -7 degrees in Portland today. And as we were wandering the aisles, I told her again that she was my Ikea person. An Ikea person is that person you trust and love enough to go to Ikea with. That person whose face you know you won’t rip off by the end. And then we talked about the Ikea article. And I told her I hadn’t read it because I still wanted to shop at Ikea in peace I am concerned about oranguntans.
And then I said this, “What’s your honest opinion. Can I use Round Up on my weeds.”
And she said, “Do you want to single-handedly ruin our ground water?”
And I said, “If I don’t use Round Up, can I still shop at Ikea?”
And she said, “Yes.”
So we discussed the Ikea footprint. What you have to give up in order to shop at Ikea.
So, I already ride my bike all over the place, though I did drive 40 minutes to get to her Scary Suburb. And at the end of the Home Depot excursion, we opted to not take bags. But we were shopping at Home Depot. Though I did choose paint that has primer included so I won’t be using primer and paint when I paint, lowering the waste. But I didn’t choose the low-toxicity paint.
Basically, today, I earned a single pillow case from Ikea. Over the course of the next few weeks, I hope to have enough Ikea footprint credit to purchase some window shades. It’s all composting and locally grown food for me for the next five days. And also no changing my SUV’s oraguntan blood oil* in the street and dumping it in the sewer.
I ask you, Fan Club, what are you doing to earn your trip to Ikea today?
*I’ve never changed my own oil. I pay* small Thai children to do it for me.
*By pay, I mean not pay.
Tags: Home Depot > Ikea is Naughty > Recovering Straight Girl
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12 Responses to “My Ikea Footprint”
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July 13th, 2009 @ 8:12 pm
I worked from home, which is surely worth a tealight or perhaps a 50 cent all beef hot dog.
July 13th, 2009 @ 8:18 pm
Currently, I make trips to all of the local vintage stores to find a cabinet to store my towels in. A cabinet that I can’t find at these stores and I know that the moment I walk into Ikea they will have at least 10 that I can’t choose from because they are all PERFECT. The footprint guilt is making me crazy. I just remodeled my bathroom in all Ikea fixtures so until I get my rainwater harvest system in place, I can’t go back
July 13th, 2009 @ 8:53 pm
We will eat from my organic garden. We will hire grass-fed, free range orangutans to harvest and deliver the eggplants. And after they have made the drop, you will hand them a paper bag of gluten-free chocolat-like chip cookies and a ten spot. And a Coke.
July 13th, 2009 @ 10:02 pm
I found my furniture on the street. Well, except for my mattress, which was given to me by the guy who used to live in my room but moved to Michigan.
July 13th, 2009 @ 10:04 pm
Oh. And I’m glad you’re feeling better!
July 13th, 2009 @ 10:36 pm
We drove over 1200 miles in a rented SUV over the past 6 days.
I think this erases the past 10 years of not owning a car.
#doingitwrong
July 14th, 2009 @ 1:48 am
I think you should have put that We Did Not Use Bags in all caps.
July 14th, 2009 @ 10:45 am
I am breastfeeding my baby and feeding her diapers to my dog.
Also, I compost and sometimes walk to the post office if it’s not raining and the sun is out and it’s between 65 and 79 degrees outside.
I love Ikea.
July 14th, 2009 @ 11:50 am
what, what the fuck is wrong with ikea?
July 14th, 2009 @ 11:51 am
I’ve never been to Ikea. I’m going to keep it that way. Not because of the orangutans, but because I’m afraid it will suck me in and never let me go.
July 14th, 2009 @ 1:00 pm
Great post Mel…you can almost see the healthy vibes jumping off the screen! Glad to see you’re in better spirits.
I’d like to recommend fluffy pastel pink and powder blue stuffed elephants scattered around the room to complete the full “girly bedroom effect.”
Happy Tuesday to The Lion in Portland.
July 25th, 2009 @ 5:42 pm
you know why I live in this neighborhood where I can walk to almost everything and have never had a drivers license and go see movies at a locally owned theater and shop at consignment stores and don’t water my lawn don’t you?
It’s so I can go to Ikea whenever the fuck I want to. And also because I am neurotic and lazy…
But the canvas bags I use at the grocery store… those are just because I’m a good person.