Women’s Conference

Wow, thank you all for your comments! Okay, I guess I have to do this thing now. So I will. Why not. I plan events for 300 people, what’s a few hundred more? And whole days’ worth of planning and hotel negotiations and sponsors and panelists and OH MY GOD, PEOPLE. So I’ve partnered up with Kiala and I suspect we’ll need a third.

We have no name for this yet.

It will be in Portland.

Dudes are welcome, but it’s focused on women. The idea is that men are already ahead in this field. I want the top names at this conference — I know, aim for the stars. And many of those are men. So we’ll bring in some dudes to speak and some to network and, of course, women speakers and network people will be there too. Men can attend too, but because guys are already ahead and more prevalent in social media/ tech the majority of the attendees will be women. This conference will be aimed at getting the attendees further along than they were before.

What’s the focus?

I really like the word interactive. So it’s not just a blogging/social media convention, but also a tech convention too. I think we’ll call it interactive. With an emphasis on blogging and using those tools. But there are other opportunities that I can’t see right now.

Here’s the truth of it: I’m great at organizing stuff. Booking spaces, booking people, arranging stuff, times, meeting people, but I’m not the knowledgeable one about tech. That’s where Kiala comes in. She’s the tech blogger for the SF Weekly, you know. And she knows people and stuff about what’s interesting and what’s coming down the pipe and what the early adopters are adopting. She’ll have a better bead on those opportunities.

The conference will help get more women into the early adopter crowd.

Who is this aimed at?

Women who want more from their technology. I hope artists and writers attend. I also hope super geeky chicks attend. I hope people wanting to move their business and their blog and their own education about the magic box attend. It’s aimed at women who want to explore interactive tools to help advance whatever it is they’re doing.

What I want from it personally is some intensive CSS and self-hosting instruction, oodles of networking, and to be exposed to the cutting edge interactive stuff. I have no idea what that is. But the people at the conference will tell me.

I’d like to teach a writing for the internet class. I think people would like that.

The sponsors need to have that cutting edge interactive tool that their pitching. The sponsors must be educating the attendees too, instead of sucking the blood from the women there.

And, this is Portland. And those of you who know me, and Back Fence know that I need to be entertained and basically every event I do is with the sole intention of entertaining me. So Kiala and I are dreaming up things to keep it great and to embody Portland’s culture. I’m thinking of networking mixers outside catered by the food carts. And bands playing, bars participating, galleries and whatever.

It’s an exploration of technology while taking advantage of Portland’s established, wonderful arts and culture. Also, we want to emphasize: NOT BORING. And the food will be good. Dear god, the food will be good.

And, we’re taking suggestions. We have no name for it yet, no URL. And if you have said you’d help in comments or email or twitter, please know I have kept all of these pieces of writing with your names attached and we will call on you to help. Seems to me the hunger for this is overwhelming and the response is going to be a lot more than we expected. It’s a fantastic opportunity for event producers, but I also anticipate some scrambling.

Kiala has a lot of stuff happening this week, as do I. Next week, we start planning. We’ll have it in a year. I know that’s a long time, but there it is. These things don’t happen overnight, unfortunately.

Comments are open, always, for more suggestions, thoughts, concerns, ideas, whatever. You can email me at melissa [at] backfencepdx [dot] com. Twitter: @melissalion. Sometime soon, we’ll move this whole conversation to the new unnamed unpurchased URL, but for now, it’s here.

Some BlogHer Suggestions

Okay, so I don’t want to just complain because I really did get some good things out of BlogHer ‘09. I networked a lot and made excellent connections professionally and personally. But I have some ideas for a different conference for women bloggers. My idea is that men would be welcomed too, but it would be directed at women because there were moments at the conference when I was spoken to about techy things without an ounce of condescension. I’m a mac girl, and I hate to admit this, but my favorite sponsor was Microsoft, simply because Louise gave me her pitch frankly and directly. And it was all tech. And I held up my end of the conversation quite nicely. In my experience at techy things with men, I’m not spoken to quite so directly.

(I can hear Fancyhats groaning right now and picking up his cell to call me and tell me that the reason I’m not spoken to directly by men in tech is because I present myself as all boobs and no brains.)

I participate in the perception that I can’t figure out the magic box. Not to get into my own psychology, but I and other women have figured out that being pretty and not too sharp can get us stuff. It’s not a great quality of mine and I’m sure I could act intelligently all the time, but sometimes I just want stuff done for me. Or I really am not so bright in certain situations and I need things explained to me carefully. Okay, so I act dumb in situations where I’m not dumb. Good and moving on.

Anyboobs, I have some suggestions for a new conference. I say a new conference because it seemed to me that BlogHer and the Mommy Bloggers were getting exactly what they needed from each other. There’s no reason to change it. Everyone is happy. People exhausted by the Mommy Bloggers were in the minority; I think we filled one table.

So a new conference–

I think a mix of panels, classes and networking opportunities would be excellent.

Panels would be beginning tech things to advanced concepts.

Things like:

Compare and contrast the major blogging platforms

Taking a blog to the next level (including how to redirect your URL — which many people there hadn’t done — and basic CSS coding)

Advanced CSS coding

Self-hosting how-to. And advanced self-hosting.

Blogging Ettiquette

Monetizing Blogs

Writing and blogging

Become a professional blogger

And some smaller networking lunches or mixers which would be broken out by type of person you want to network with.

So there would be:

Web developers

Professional bloggers

Media

Sponsors

And there could be a specific type of blogger you could network with. Like knitting bloggers, food bloggers, humor bloggers, celebrity bloggers.

Men and women would participate in panels and networking lunches and mixers. The focus would be getting the top people in those categories to speak to the attendees.

Okay, those are my suggestions for a women’s blogging convention. Less laundry soap. More blogging and networking because I’m pretty sure getting laundry soap in exchange for shout-outs is in no way monetizing a blog. Or working toward monetizing a blog. Seems to me it’s more like cheapening the whole thing.

BlogHer ‘09 Some Thoughts

My new friend Alicia Eler left really amazing comments on my last post. So I think you should read those. Because they were super-thoughtful and way more articulate than I could have been.

Also, I’m not supposed to be on the internet today. Today, I’m supposed to be doing nothing. Because after 9 days of puking my guts out, followed by three days of painting my house and moving everything I own into my carport, and then four days in Chicago, I have a cold. And I’m tired.

And Alicia’s comments will remain better than my thoughts on the conference because the words and the funny have troubles coming from my fingers when I’m tired, I’m just going to number my thoughts:

1) The mommy blogger bullshit and the sponsors gearing 100% of their pitch to these women was in turn frightening, irritating, amusing, disheartening, and confusing. At one point I had this thought: “If they don’t try and sell me laundry soap, what would they try and sell me?” And I had no idea. (Please see the sentence above where I puked for 9 days.) I think because I don’t have a television, I’m not exposed quite as much to ads geared toward women. Is this what’s being marketed to us all the time? I mean, is this the only conversation advertisers know how to have with women, and more importantly, is this the only conversation women want to have? Let me tell you, the mommy bloggers were active participants in the conversation.

I wonder what sorts of conversations you all want to have. If you went to a big conference what products would you want to learn about?

2) I kept calling my new friends the lezzies. And that didn’t sit well with me too. I was trying to work out why I couldn’t find my own friends. Why I was holding onto to Kathryn’s apron strings. And why, when I did venture out, I just couldn’t connect with anyone. I spent the whole conference wondering I couldn’t find my people. But I had. I totally had. One of my new friends, B (I don’t want to name anyone on the internet who doesn’t want to be) is an events producer in Chicago! And I still kept calling them the lezzies. Alicia correctly identified the problem was in my perception.

3) People kept talking about monetizing blogs. And other women said they were tired by all the monetizing talk. I think valuing our writing and blogs is important and I support the monetizing conversation. But I think you must have substance and value that can be monetized and the conversation should have been equally balanced between creating substance and monetizing that.

4) We need a separate conference for people who are interested in networking more than they are interested in getting free Mary Kay samples.

5) And this might be the most disturbing thing I learned: there’s a new status thing in the world of the mommy blogger. It’s being a [insert the most disgusting store on the planet] Mom. Yes, women want to be Small Part Moms. They want this. They want to be aligned with something with a name for being cheap and poorly made and downright abusive to other human beings. Why not just call yourself that? Call yourself A Human-Rights-Abusing-Cheaply-Made-Indepenent-Business-Destroying-Community-Ending-Ugly-Cheap-Cheap-Cheap Mom? Could someone create that widget for me?

Finally, I need to apologize to all of my readers for the last few posts. They are not my smartest. I’m tired, people. Tired.

Okay, back to doing nothing now.

Also, here are Alicia’s comments because I want you all to read them:

I Blame Dooce

This weekend I’m identifying as lesbian. Without the having sex with women (or womyn) part. Though according to the magnificent Deb on the Rocks, there’s a campaign among the BlogHer lezzies to get a tongue in one of my orifices. Deb is so charming and kind and beautiful and wonderful and famouser than I am and so she’s the lead in this little contest of wills. Also I think she’s putting me on.

I’ve spent the whole conference with the lezzies. Except for yesterday when I squared my shoulders and told Kathryn (Recovering Straight Girl) that I would stop hiding behind the skirts (worn, baggy jeans) of the lezzies and branch out on my own. I would find my own people. I would hang out with straight women.

Lunch rolled around and I chose a table with some friendly-looking women. I sat down and put on my best friendly Portland face. Ready to make some conversation.

Let me explain something about BlogHer. It’s very well organized and like all events, the amount of money people pay doesn’t match up to the expenses. I know. This is my favorite misconception about Back Fence — that we’re making money hand over fist because 300 people attend the event and pay $10-12. It’s pretty easy math, but what’s less easy is calculating the behind-the-scenes costs. BlogHer is no different. So there are sponsors to make up for the loss.. The sponsors take over the whole bottom floor and have booths full of laundry soap and MaryKay makeup and more laundry soap.

And every single time slot has a session on Mommy Blogging. Mommy Blogging. These Mommy Bloggers own this conference. As I’ve overheard the conversations of these women, they say Mommy Blogger without a touch of irony. I’m confused. But whatever.

So I sat down with some friendly looking women. The woman next to me was a PR person for a laundry soap company and as I sat, she asked me, “Are you a Mommy Blogger?” And I said, “Well, I have a child and I also blog, but I wouldn’t call myself a Mommy Blogger.”

After that, not a single person at the table engaged me in conversation. I tried to chat with the other women at the table, who were, by the way, wearing t-shirts that had some variation of Mommy and Blog written on them. In pen. I tried. And I was totally iced out.

I finished my food, put my plate away and sat down with the lezzies and joined right in the conversation. They know I’m straight and they never bat an eye. I went to the lezzie party and had a blast. And now I’m sitting with the lezzies for the lezzie keynote speech. From here on out, I’m identifying as lezzie.

Just until Sunday when I leave. For Portland. Home of the lezzie.

Plate and Pitchfork

Okay, Ben wants to know about Plate and Pitchfork and as you all know I take requests.

Plate and Pitchfork was amazing. So wonderful. We were at Smith Berry Barn. The event started with a mixer at the front of the farm. We had deviled eggs topped with lamb bacon and some watermelon gazpacho. I didn’t love the watermelon thing. It was way too salty, but I enjoyed the deviled eggs. Sokol Blosser was pouring wine, a white and a rose.

Fancyhats ran into some old acquaintances so we caught up with them and enjoyed some wine and the beautiful afternoon.

Then the organizers called us together to meet the lamb farmer who was providing all the meat for the evening. This is the same dude who provides meat for Alice Waters and Chez Panisse. I don’t love lamb. I don’t hate it, I’m just sort of meh about it. But this was the first time I’d tried to eat in more than a week, so I was going to man up and enjoy the shit out of this lamb.

The farmers of Smith Berry Farm then took us on a tour of their farm. We saw berries and chickens and goats and more berries and we learned about the farm. It was really wonderful wandering around, picking berries off the vines and hearing about what it’s like to own a farm.

We made our way to the apple orchard and Fancyhats and I were at table seven. We also passed the outdoor grill where the lamb was being prepared by the chefs from Simpatico and Laurelhurst Market. Laurelhurst has a meat counter that Fancyhats and I have enjoyed once before. We were pretty stoked.

The menu was a green salad with greens and pickled blueberries from the farm. A lambs tongue salad, a lamb mixed grill with tenderloin, sausage and ribs, and berry brown betty with berries from the farm.

My favorite was the lambs’ tongue salad and the tenderloin and lamb ribs. And by favorite, I mean when I put each each in my mouth I thought I would surely die from pleasure. It was all so good. Sokol Blosser paired wine with each course and the servers promised us we’d never have an empty glass. And that was true.

I now love lamb.

AND we sat next to a couple who had a sense of humor as inappropriate as mine is. We were laughing. A lot. And as the wine flowed we laughed some more. They are our new couple friends. WE HAVE COUPLE FRIENDS. Also, I hope our new couple friends don’t think it’s too forward that I’ve deemed them that. We must be careful about these things. But we are having more drinks with them next week. COUPLE FRIENDS. [Private message to Kiala and Dane: when you get up here, you will be couple friends too. So, you know...do that thing or whatever.]

We sat in the orchard and ate and drank and ate and drank until 10pm. This whole thing started at 5:30. Fancyhats drove us home, and I passed out in the car on the way. I think I was probably drooling and snoring, but Fancyhats managed to get me home in one piece. He’s good that way.

As for the pictures, I brought my Holga, which is a toy camera that takes actual film. So those are being developed. As for the specific wines, Ben, I have no idea. I was drunk by about glass 1.5. Because, you know, I hadn’t eaten in a fortnight.

Pictures coming in a week or so.

On Thursday, I’ll be in Chicago speaking at BlogHer. I’m shacking up with Recovering Straight Girl. I’m also going to the big lezzie party that Deb on the Rocks is throwing. I also plan on swimming in the pool at the hotel. And smiling and nodding. OH! And launching my newest website. I haven’t told you about my website, have I? Well, you’ll find out all in good time, friends.

Progress

Fancyhats and I started painting two days ago. We’ve gotten a ton of work done and now you have to look at the pictures. This is my blue living room. The paint I’m using is so good. It’s Behr Ultra, which has primer in it so there’s no need to do it twice, which is good because we have a deadline, people.

Here’s Archie’s room. I did an awesome thing with this paint, which was get the wrong color. I said Charisma, but it was supposed to be Charismatic. So we used the Charisma as a primer because his room used to be blue. For the record, Archie’s favorite color is yellow and he requested the yellow room. I applaud this. I love yellow too. So back to Home Depot this morning for the actual paint color.

Annd presenting my pink bedroom! Fancyhats says it’s the color of pepto, but I think it’s pretty. And pink is one of those colors that combats the SADs and you know how I get those SADs 97% of the year here in the lovely Pacific Northwest. I’m doing everything I can to prevent them.

Okay, one day left of getting A’s room painted, then I’m off to be a speaker at BlogHer along with the Recovering Straight Girl. Because we’re fancy.

You Know You Want This

This is how sexxxy I am today. This morning after my meeting with a very important person, I had  my eyebrows waxed. Post eyebrow waxing, with my eyebrows red and swollen, I went to Whole Foods and this was my grocery list:

ginger soothe drink

plain bagel

organic Rolaids (for Fancyhats)

and

organic Tom’s of Maine deodorant (for me)

Upon returning home, I found an abandoned, wrecked Buick Regal parked perpendicular in the middle of my street, its nose in my driveway.

I have a sexy life people.  A SEXY LIFE.

Finished.

I had a CAT scan yesterday because the doctor was worried about acute infections — I had none. What I do have is some anti-nausea pills so that’ll do because I have no time left for this crap.

Tomorrow Fancyhats and I go to Plate and Pitchfork. I’m so excited. We haven’t had a chance to catch up, be relaxed, eat great food and sort be googly at each other in a few weeks. I mean, I’m not that pretty while puking. The weather will be warm and dry and we’ll dine al fresco on some amazing food. And I’ll get to walk around on a farm and hold Fancyhats’s hand. I love holding his hand. I also love feeling him touch my neck, so gently. He dresses fancy during the day, and on weekends he’s all shorts and t-shirt and a red sox baseball hat. I look at him and swoon. I can’t wait to sit with him in the warmth and watch the light change colors as the sun sets.

And in a week, I’m going to BlogHer in Chicago. I’m speaking there, you know. Because I’m fancy like that. If you’re going, drop me a line in comments or on Twitter or something so I can look for you. I’m talking about Bloggers in the Post-Employee World and the various ways I make money. I wish more writers were attending BlogHer. I think writers could learn a little something from bloggers. Or like a lot of somethings. Like not pissing and moaning about creating content daily.

Also, I got a very good assignment the other day. I’m not going to tell you for whom I’m writing but it’s a pretty big deal. Like a national big deal. Definitely the biggest site I’ve written for. I pitched at them for months and when they accepted something, it was easy. So very easy. Makes me nervous.

Today begins the great home painting project.

A lot going on. I’m fretting a little bit, and also realizing that fretting is a wasted emotion. But all of this is wonderful. So there you are. Send me some love, won’t you. Or if you want to help me paint, drop me a line.

I Am Not Sick

Nope, I’m really not. NO. Except yesterday the puking started again. To barf off and on for eight days is a little bit scary. Try a lot scary. So I went to the doctor and got some tests done. When the pregnancy one came back negative, I believe I said, “Oh thank you god.”

I dislike going to the doctor so for me to go is sort of a big deal. But this doctor was quite good and talked with me at length before pulling out the prescription pad. I hate taking pills and as you all might remember, I have to buy chewable vitamins from Trader Joe’s because I can’t swallow pills.

I’m waiting for the blood tests to come back, but my doctor’s unofficial diagnosis, and I agree, is that I had a virus last week and the stress in my life is making it linger. And I’m having some anxiety. I’m moving all the furniture out to paint and clean and rearrange everything and the thought of upending my life, no matter how temporary, is causing me stress.

Oh, and that whole pesky earning a living thing.

I know that in the end everything is going to be beautiful and wonderful and this puking thing will stop, but for the moment I feel physically weak. I’m tired. I just want to sleep, but having a kid doesn’t allow one much time for rest. I feel too thin. I’ve lost 10 pounds since I visited my parents in late February. There is such a thing as too thin. Too thin, for me, feels like I couldn’t jump on my bike and ride anywhere I wanted to. Not a good feeling.

So, I’m going to rest where and when I can. And just take things easy.

I am not sick.

My Ikea Footprint

Okay you guys I had the black plague for five whole days. But I’m back and better than ever.

This morning @seeger posted a link to an article about Ikea. And how bad it is. I’ve not read this article because I’m a fragile flower and I care about the world and I don’t want to subject my frail flowerility to any world naughtiness. Also, as I re-do my house I’ll be purchasing things from Ikea. Like window treatments.

But I want to be a good person and I don’t truly want innocent oranguntans bleeding because I have a fancy bed.

Isn’t it fancy? I feel so pretty in it. And I love it and want to hug it. Also, I’M PAINTING MY BEDROOM PINK!

Where was I?

Right, I went to Home Depot today with a genuine lesbian–the Recovering Straight Girl. Unfortunately, she sold her Lesbaru before we went so we took my SUV. And I wore my Dansko clogs because it’s -7 degrees in Portland today. And as we were wandering the aisles, I told her again that she was my Ikea person. An Ikea person is that person you trust and love enough to go to Ikea with. That person whose face you know you won’t rip off by the end. And then we talked about the Ikea article. And I told her I hadn’t read it because I still wanted to shop at Ikea in peace I am concerned about oranguntans.

And then I said this, “What’s your honest opinion. Can I use Round Up on my weeds.”

And she said, “Do you want to single-handedly ruin our ground water?”

And I said, “If I don’t use Round Up, can I still shop at Ikea?”

And she said, “Yes.”

So we discussed the Ikea footprint. What you have to give up in order to shop at Ikea.

So, I already ride my bike all over the place, though I did drive 40 minutes to get to her Scary Suburb. And at the end of the Home Depot excursion, we opted to not take bags. But we were shopping at Home Depot. Though I did choose paint that has primer included so I won’t be using primer and paint when I paint, lowering the waste. But I didn’t choose the low-toxicity paint.

Basically, today, I earned a single pillow case from Ikea. Over the course of the next few weeks, I hope to have enough Ikea footprint credit to purchase some window shades. It’s all composting and locally grown food for me for the next five days. And also no changing my SUV’s oraguntan blood oil* in the street and dumping it in the sewer.

I ask you, Fan Club, what are you doing to earn your trip to Ikea today?

*I’ve never changed my own oil. I pay* small Thai children to do it for me.

*By pay, I mean not pay.