My Distinctive Mop of Black Hair
Posted on | April 8, 2009 | 11 Comments
Okay, so.
An article ran in the Oregonian that described my hair as distinctive.
When I was out with my friend Tyler, this woman stopped us on the street to talk about my hair.
You all know that I’ve found dead bugs in my hair. I blame bike rides(?).
And, by far, my most favoritest remark about my hair is here. That’s ekki on Twitter. She was biking along and recognized me from the back of my head.
So I thought I’d go over the recipe to have hair like mine. Because we can all have it!
Step 1 — dye your hair with the cheapest black dye possible. I use Nice n’ Easy. The dye damages the hair to the point that it can be brought under submission and can withstand steps 2 and 3.
Step 2 — do not wash your hair.
Step 3– Add Aveda’s anti-humectant pomade to your hair every single day. Yes, you haven’t washed it, yes you’re adding more oil.
Step 4 — Have sex on your back for at least a short time. This ensures the proper height.
Finally, if you do wash your hair (and sometimes it’s important to start the process fresh) use a very mild shampoo. The goal is not to strip out all of that oil, just rinse some of it off. After washing, I add Aveda’s confixor and a lot of pomade. Also, I wash my hair at night. Sleeping on it (and, ideally, having sex) is a great way to make it look like you haven’t actually washed it.
And, finally, this is for ekki:
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11 Responses to “My Distinctive Mop of Black Hair”
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April 8th, 2009 @ 10:13 am
I’d really like to not wash my hair.
April 8th, 2009 @ 10:42 am
I’m glad you put “for a short time” for all of us men.
April 8th, 2009 @ 11:18 am
If I had to go places I’d was my hair more often but because I “work” from home I wash it every two days. Or three. Okay, it depends on how often I work out really.
Sooo, once this month so far.
April 8th, 2009 @ 11:18 am
washhhhhhh
April 8th, 2009 @ 11:34 am
If I skip washing my hair it gets all flat and yucky. You have to have curly, lush, thick hair for your sort of crazy lady mop. If I followed your regimen, I’d just look homeless. And if I have sex on it, I just look homeless and crazy. It’s not a good look for me.
On you though?
Fucking cuter than a box of kittens.
April 8th, 2009 @ 11:35 am
PS: The Beasties are my faaavorite. It is impossible to have a bad time when you’re listening to the Beasties.
April 8th, 2009 @ 12:25 pm
I feel special to be mentioned in a post about your hair, which is pretty awesome. I agree with Crissy though, it takes a special kind of hair to do what yours does.
April 8th, 2009 @ 12:27 pm
I do love your hair.
But I agree with Queen Crissy. I mean – if I did that, I would look too hipster for my own good. “Oh, look at her – she has a chunky a-line bob that’s greasy and sticking straight up in the back. Oh, and she’s drinking coffee out of a recycled cup.”
And then I would be required to keep it up. The second I washed my hair – all my hipster friends would call me a conformist. I would be shunned. It’s just a lot of commitment.
It’s a hard life, I lead.
April 8th, 2009 @ 1:46 pm
I aspire to a ‘carelessly’ messy coiffure, but when I try for the unwashed, post-sex, beach-blown look I just end up with that charming “off meds” look.
April 8th, 2009 @ 5:10 pm
do those steps apply to ALL of your hair?
April 9th, 2009 @ 10:05 am
minus everything you just said, I tried a ‘version’ of your look on my thin, whispy no color locks.
I sort of liked it, but nobobdy else did (the bangs are too short, they said) and I fought with it alot to have said bangs cover all the scalp that shows
BUT, my Brandon (hairstylist) LOVED your cut……So you are very lucky for having cool hair.