In Your Face Portland News Media!

Posted on | April 1, 2009 | 7 Comments

Except for all of the media that covers Back Fence and places for which I’ve written (which is all of them — hi! You look so nice today! Want to grab a drink?!?)

I have an important interview I’m *doing* on Saturday afternoon. It’s the media opportunity of the weekend, and I get the interview. Because I’m friends with Julian Chadwick and I’ve interviewed Belladonna I’m a well-respected Portland journalist.

And because it’s at a porn store. And I’m the go-to Important Journalist for porn interviews. I do muck-racking. And rack-munching. And whatever.

Anyway, a few months ago Portland had this naughty thing happen where our fine mayor, Sam Adams, admitted to having an affair with a SEVENTEEN year-old boy. My non-Portland readers may be thinking Oh! I get it! He’s a regular Larry Craig! But, you’re wrong. Mayor Adams is gay so the scandal was not that he was playing tonsil hockey with a dude, but more that the guy was 17. Except Adams wasn’t in office when this whole shebangy (hebangy) happened. So, and because I have no television, or interest in politicians’ sex lives (except you, Gavin Newsom– I’m still not over you hunny. Let’s prove to the world that you’re not gay… together, baby. *Call me!*) I’m gathering that the scandal, which happened years after the affair was to do with Adams saying he did not have sex with that woman. Or that guy. Or that seventeen year-old. I think. I’m still not certain.

And everyone knows 17 year-olds know nothing about sex and shall be smited (smoted?) if they so much as think of another human being. AT. ALL.

So the former 17 year-old is named, honestly, Beau Breedlove. Yes, it was like he was destined to be a political temptress born for nothing more than to lure powerful political men into bed OR to be a porn star. And because he’s already been there done that with the powerful political men, it’s time for his porn career.

And this is where I come in.

I AM INTERVIEWING BEAU BREEDLOVE FOR PDXPIPELINE!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Now I just need to find a sitter.

So, anyone wanting to babysit on Saturday afternoon, and/or anyone with questions they’d like me to ask, please leave a comment. Thank you.

Here’s a picture of Beau. It’s enough to turn me gay. Or straight. Or 17. I’m so confused.

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BACK FENCE PDX MAY 19TH

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Writing Bites are $35.

Critiques are conducted via email unless otherwise arranged. I will contact you via email once your payment has been processed.

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