Hmmmm
Kiala has asked me to blog and I do whatever Kiala says. I have a post in The Printed Blog this week. I like that thing. Basically, they’re taking blogging and putting it on paper. I love this. I have a class coming up on March 21st that you should attend for no other reason than I’m super-charming in front of people and MediaChick is making muffins and explaining tech stuff and she’s super-charming too.
I’m actually an excellent teacher, hard to believe I know.
Here’s what I wanted to talk about — why is there no Jane Austen pron? Like videos. And not greasy guys and women with faque boobs, but like Colin Firth gettin’ all passionate? Yes, we have the Tudors, but I find that show too stressful. That guy’s eyes are just so disturbing and you know Anne Boleyn, not matter how far she rises, will end up with her head in a basket.
See, I got sick *again* and this time I know exactly the moment it happened. We were on the airplane and this five year-old kid turned around and sneezed right on me. I said, “You really should cover your face when you sleep sneeze.” I said it just like that too because my voice doesn’t travel into the baby talk range. And then I got sick. I hate that kid.
And I was in bed and I watched Pride and Prejudice and Persuasion and Northanger Abbey and I’d just come off watching Sense and Sensibility about 25 times. And I was thinking, you know, I could really use an empire waist dress and some tea. A lot of tea. TEA CURES EVERYTHING. And why is there no Jane Austen porn?
There are some good soft core books. Mr. Darcy takes a Wife is excellently smutty. But someone should really make a soft-focus, high quality, empire waist-laden porn movie. And not something like Pride and Pumpyoumuch or whatever it would be called. But like Lizzy Bennett’s Boudoir. Or the Inner life of Lizzy. Or Lezzy Bennett and she could get together with Caroline Bingley — H.O.T.!
That’s as far as I got because I think I passed out from a fever.
See, I blogged.
That is exactly the sort of pron I’ve been looking for. And you’re right. The Tudors is marvelous but very stressful. It’s like you’re just too traumatized by everything else to really enjoy the sex all that much.
Someone should make some Jane Austen pron for the English majors.
WAIT!
I just figured out what we’ll do for our video.
No?
Okay.
I’ll keep thinking.
Maybe Ken will turn up a little corset pron for us….
What about Edith Wharton pron?
And I blogged.
I cannot think of anything less exciting than jane austen porn.
You know, I played Darcy in a production of “Pride and Prejudice” about 10 years ago. I’m just saying.
Thanks for calling me “super-charming”. I will do my best to get that way by class time. At any rate, the muffins will make up for it. Also my short skirt.
chris–think less jane austen, more marquis de sade.
Marquis de sade. Now that’s where it’s at.
Hmm…. Lezzy and Caroline. Intriguing. Although what would end up happening is that they’d take it to that extreme were it’s allll about incest! You know Lizzy and Jane must have played 7 in Heaven at SOME point! They’re QUITE close, you know. Something like:
“Jane…”
“Yes, Lizzy?”
“Sometimes when we’re just playing around and end up wrestling on the floor over a bonnet ribbon (author’s aside: seriously, what was it with them ALWAYS fixing up a bonnet????), I get a very nice tingly sensation in my nether regions.”
Elizabeth reached out to draw Jane’s hand to her as she approached.
You know… something like that.
Oh I’m so glad you’re back in blog! I’ve missed you! Hopefully you’ll save me from writing bad Jane Austen pr0n. I’m sorry to say, however, that I cannot attend your writing class (speaking of my terrible scribblings) because I need all the money I can save for my vacation. The pound may have dropped, but it’s still worth more than the dollar. Grrrr!