Prize Winner of Portland, Oregon
Posted on | January 22, 2009 | 9 Comments
I ripped that title off from a book called the Prize Winner of Defiance Ohio. This was a book that when I worked at a bookstore, I claimed to have read. Because it was popular with the customers. And so I’d say, “Oh! I loved it!” I’d say this about A Girl Named Zippy and Reading Lolita in Tehran. I also said it about Eat Pray Love and then I read that book and really did love it. I’m a girl. Sue me.
Anyway, ever since I won my posh camera from Stoogie and Crissy, I’m pretty sure I’m the luckiest person alive. Pre-posh-camera I’d approach contests with a cautious pessimism and now I’m like Bring. It. On.
And because we’re home owners, we must go to Home Depot pretty often and every single time I go there, they hand out this little sweepstakes thing on the receipt and every single time I enter the contest. I’m pretty sure that the blood sample they take and the body cavity search and my swearing away Archer’s future labor just increases my chance of winning a $5000 Home Depot gift card. $5,000 American Dollars!
The next drawing is “on or about April 14th,” according to the sweepstakes rules that were tattooed on my shoulder. And after on or about April 14th, I will totally fulfill my dreams of owning one of theses:
I’m also going to buy a $500 front door because our current front door is…well…I don’t want to say. But it’s not good. And I’m also going to buy a $3000 bbq and a $5000 John Deere riding mower for Steve to do the yard. I’m going to buy 75 fruit trees and provide some tools for my Thai orphan to refinish my floors — some tools, not all. And I’m going to buy solar panels and a new car too. All with my Home Depot gift card!
Gooooo sweepstakes!
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9 Responses to “Prize Winner of Portland, Oregon”
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January 22nd, 2009 @ 7:09 am
ok, so you need a new front door. got it.
how’s your back door doing?
January 22nd, 2009 @ 7:52 am
There’s a picture of me tongue kissing a washer and dryer set like that one.
Let me see if I can find it for you…
Nope.
Maybe Ken knows where it is. He’s really great at finding things like pictures and back doors and stuff like that.
January 22nd, 2009 @ 8:18 am
frigging melissa blocks comments with links in them.
farm4.static.flickr.com/3458/3217314225_5c762c9e6f_b.jpg
in any event, both crissy and i endorse your choice of machinery.
January 22nd, 2009 @ 8:56 am
What could possibly be so bad about your front door? I mean, if it closes, it works. Right? I’m scared about owning a home.
January 22nd, 2009 @ 9:55 am
Oh I hope you win your pretty candy apple red washer and dryer. I’m excited for your class on Saturday!
January 22nd, 2009 @ 10:07 am
You should also get some new shoes, jeans, and a leather bomber jacket.
I’ve never been to a Home Depot.
January 22nd, 2009 @ 12:27 pm
I believe if you will it, it will happen!
So let’s just talk about it like you’ve already GOT it.
January 22nd, 2009 @ 3:48 pm
When I am dragged to Home Depot, I buy candy and sit in the lawn and garden section.
I would do the same with $5000.
January 23rd, 2009 @ 10:26 am
“The Prizewinner of Defiance, Ohio” really was a good book, written by Terry Ryan,an SF journalist (and partner of Pat Holt, who single-handedly kept the Chronicle book review alive for many years). Terry got to see the movie made, even got to be in a slightly unsettling close-up at the end, then tragically passed away. Not sure why anyone needs to know all that but there you are.