Does My Hair Smell Like Vomit?
Posted on | January 26, 2009 | 12 Comments
I’m suffering from the Black Death, Internet.
I blame children.
Archie’s been taking all these classes and I’m around all these little germ monkeys and I’m pretty sure one of them passed me his toxins. So I’ve been crying. A lot. Which doesn’t help the sinus situation. And I’m still sick. It’s been four score and seven years since I first felt the telltale sore throat and still I’m sick.
I had to inform Steve that he was not to look, speak or touch me amorously because when I lie down, I feel as if I’ll drown in my own mucus.
But then there’s this weird thing happening where I can actually smell ten times better than normal. I’m at pregnancy-level nose-sensitivity. Except, I can smell the smell, but I can’t pinpoint its location, so it’s been seriously confusing and frustrating.
Like the other day when I was reading a book to Archie that we’d checked out from the library and suddenly I smelled vomit. I stopped and smelled Arch, smelled the couch, smelled my yoga pants. Nothing. And then I thought, is that my hair? Is it my hair that smells like puke? It could very well have been. My hair is not, I don’t know, clean. My mother might or might not refer to it as a rat’s nest. But that’s how I get it all, you know, bed-heady.
I’ve found dead bugs in my hair. And Arch has picked food out of my hair and eaten it.
But look at it Internet. It looks good, doesn’t it?
See, that’s my hair after a millenium of sinus congestion.
So I sat there feeling even sorrier for myself because I was sick and my hair smelled like barf until I realized that it was the library book that smelled like barf and I felt sort of better. But Arch is addicted to this book, so we’ll be reading the barf-scented book about 67 more times before I can sneak it back to the library smelling not only of barf but riddled with Black Death germs.
And that, Internet, is how I give back to society.
And I also want five more people to sign up for my class. So go do that, would you. I promise I’ll be all cleaned up and smelling sweet by Saturday.
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12 Responses to “Does My Hair Smell Like Vomit?”
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January 26th, 2009 @ 10:39 am
Why do some books smell like that? Was it old? I find that the older ones smell like barf.
And, the thing about hair like yours is that it looks nicer the dirtier it is, even when there are bugs living in it.
January 26th, 2009 @ 10:45 am
I’m trying this new shampoo and conditioner and it makes me smell like a gay asian kid going to a rave.
I don’t like it, I think.
But my hair LOOKS amazing.
I dunno what to do.
January 26th, 2009 @ 11:42 am
you still look great even when you’re sick.
mucus makes great lube.
January 26th, 2009 @ 12:02 pm
Ken is right. You do still look good when you are sick. I can say that since I saw you in person on Saturday for like 30 minutes.;-)
January 26th, 2009 @ 1:45 pm
By the way, I totally confused myself and ended up downtown on Saturday in front of Souk with my coffee and crossant waiting for your class to start. It didn’t, because I was there on the wrong Saturday, but a homeless woman did sing Nancy Sinatra’s “These Boots Were Made For Walking” to me, so it wasn’t all bad.
January 26th, 2009 @ 1:53 pm
I get sinus infections like it’s my job, so I know exactly what you’re going through. Yes, “Black Death” sums it up nicely.
January 26th, 2009 @ 3:09 pm
OH, OH, OH….ALOT of library book have that barf-ish smell.
I have huge vomit issues, so ANYTHING that remotely smells vomit-like gets my attention. Books are TOTALLY vomit smellers. Not your books, of course, OTHER books.
Nobody, in fact, probably vomited in it. Although since it is a children’s book (it is, isn’t it? You aren’t reading Arch Harlequin Romances again, are you???) may give barf more credence, but since grown up books smell that way too, I’d guess it’s that library smell thing.
yes, your hair is awesome, whereas mine is NOT. I like the sides and back, but can’t get the front to do anything remotely like a normal person should have.
January 26th, 2009 @ 3:10 pm
Whoops….I guess I didn’t read your comments before I so gregariously commented….I guess Crissy WOULD be the book with barf smell expert……..
January 26th, 2009 @ 5:14 pm
Oh sinus infections…ewwwww! I’ve been using that Sinus Rinse stuff lately and it helps alleviate some of the pressure. Still, drugs… I’m all about the drugs!
Your hair is teh hawt, can I tell you?! You’ve got that Monica-on-Friends-when-she-was-sick look going on. TEH HAWT!
January 27th, 2009 @ 12:57 am
That’s the hairstyle I always attempted but couldn’t quite pull off. Wear it proud. And feel better too!
January 27th, 2009 @ 11:26 am
I grew up on Multnomah County library books, and they always smelled like vomit. Now I check out all my books from the Washington County library system and oddly, they all smell like sunshine and butterflies.
It must be another one of those weird eastside/westside phenomenons. You get the vomit-smellin’ books and best coffeeshops – we get the pretty-smellin’ books and rage-inducing traffic.
January 27th, 2009 @ 2:26 pm
All our library books smell like vomit.
And get some antibiotics. Remember when I had a sinus infection and when I got the antibiotics, I suddenly wanted to hump the pharmacist I felt so much better? It’s worth the trip to the doctor.