I Have the SADDs
Posted on | December 18, 2008 | 13 Comments
I have the SADDs and it’s not making me pretty. In fact, it’s making me somewhat *ahem* un-whatever the word is that means temporarily less than drop dead gorgeous but I’m not quite ready to call myself ugly on the internet. I blame Portland. I SAID IT, PORTLAND.
My skin is a fucking mess. And seriously, folks, when people meet me, after they’re done complimenting my sparkling wit and engaging personality, they always ALWAYS tell me about my peaches and cream complexion. Okay, maybe they don’t. And maybe they’re not impressed by my sparkling wit aka (occasional) overuse of irony. But whatever. It’s what I notice about myself. In fact, my skin is my gauge. It’s how I know if what I’m doing is good and ought to be pursued. So, for example, smoking. I don’t smoke not because I’m worried about my health or if I smell or if I’m making others die a painful death because of my smoke. I don’t smoke because it makes me break out. I ride my bike not because it keeps me fit and I’m saving the planet. I do it because it keeps my skin clear. Same with drinking water. Who cares about hydration.
Here’s my point: my skin looks like hell. Because I won’t be seeing the sun before I get to California and I can’t roll into San Diego looking like a cracked out black tar shingles victim, I decided to take a vitamin. Except that my vitamins are all gone. And I take special vitamins because I can’t swallow whole multivitamins, I get the Trader Joe’s chewable adult vitamins. But they’re gone and I haven’t been to Trader Joe’s. So I had to draw inspiration from that cracked out black tar shingles victim and go rooting around in my cupboards for vitamins. I came across Steve’s man-a-mins. But because they are boy things, I checked the expiration date — 4/08. Archie had a bit of Ovaltine so I mixed that up, but then I saw that it has approximately 22% of your daily vitamins. Archie also had some multivitamins, but they’re 100% of the daily nutrients for a 3 year old. So I cut up one of Steve’s man-a-mins, mixed up a double dose of Ovaltine and snorted a small cherry-flavored bear.
I’m also going to swab my skin with some vinegar tonight because I’m pretty sure white vinegar is magical. I’ll let you know if I wake up back to my Snow White self.
See? SADDs.
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13 Responses to “I Have the SADDs”
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December 18th, 2008 @ 9:37 am
man-a-mins
Awesome.
December 18th, 2008 @ 9:42 am
I had a small cherry flavored bear yesterday. Weird.
And my skin looks good today, so I think you’re in the clear.
Want some effexor?
December 18th, 2008 @ 9:42 am
I’m a mess too. I am certainly SADD and I just want to go to my bed and not take care of ANYONE because I need somebody to take care of ME for a change dammit.
Anywho, Try doing a microdermabrasion and then have some sex. That always restores my glow. And also try some toddler vitamins. I highly reccommend Disney Princess gummyvites. They’re awesome and not full of chemicals.
December 18th, 2008 @ 10:00 am
I’m all about overdosing on kids vitamins. Three or four ought to do the trick.
That. And sex.
December 18th, 2008 @ 10:35 am
I buy the chewable dinosaur vitamins from COSTCO. If I take the grown up kind of vitamins I throw up.
December 18th, 2008 @ 11:28 am
My skin looks like hell too. And I am positive it has nothing to do with the zillions of Christmas cookies I made to give to other people, that I ate myself instead. Nope. I can’t afford special soaps or creams or vitamins so I have been putting toothpaste on my pimples, old school style. Does that even work? By the way, your skin looked quite luminous at Back Fence the other night.
December 18th, 2008 @ 11:39 am
I second toddler vitamins. And sex.
Sounds like a winning combination.
December 18th, 2008 @ 12:19 pm
We have similar conditions. You have SADDS, and recently I contracted SIDs. I’m trying to shake it…
December 18th, 2008 @ 12:19 pm
Also… right after I got over my SARS.
December 18th, 2008 @ 1:01 pm
I will echo the sex idea. Perhaps we can make wearing brown bags over our head fashionable?? As long as there is lots of cleavage, no one will care.
December 18th, 2008 @ 1:22 pm
in order to be effective, any artificial light used to combat SADD must have an output as close as possible to the sun’s spectrum, in addition to being very, very bright.
in other words, you can grow plants with it when you’re not basking.
December 18th, 2008 @ 2:34 pm
I love your skin. It is radiant.
Mine, however, thanks to the abundance of cake I’ve been eating recently – looks like it did when I was twelve and used “Clearasil” in the tube because that’s what everyone on TV used, but it dried out my face and made my nose so oily that my glasses slipped off my face when I looked down at my feet to avoid eye contact with the love of my life, Sterling Turpen.
GASP. Run-on sentence.
Ugh. I hate winter. And memories.
December 19th, 2008 @ 4:03 pm
I was always fond of your eyes. But then again your boobs are awesome!!