I am the Pope of Bear Country Jamboree
Posted on | April 18, 2008 | 18 Comments
Gentle reader, I’ve written two articles in the past two days. One was a food story, one a book review. I love writing food stuff, don’t get me wrong and I’m a total writing whore, which means I’ll write pretty much whatever a person wants to pay me for. So, send more food stuff! But, the book review took me all of an hour. No hives, no hair falling out. I just sat down and wrote it. So, send more book reviews too please.
Let the blogging begin.
I grew up without religion. To this day, I’ve never been to a church service that wasn’t a wedding or a funeral. The last funeral I went to was for my great grandmother. Suddenly people started standing up and kneeling and repeating things back to the guy in the robes up front and I had to turn to my cousin and ask what was happening.
Me: What the hell is all of this.
Cousin: It’s a service.
Me: Duh. I totally went to a wedding last year. But what’s up with all the kneeling.
Cousin: What are you asking?
Me: I mean why is everyone repeating things back to the guy in the front.
Cousin: This is a Catholic ceremony.
Me: Our family is Catholic?
Steve went to Catholic school for eight years where he developed a healthy hatred of all things nun and nun-like. Needless to say, Arch won’t be getting baptized anytime soon.
Yesterday on our walk, Steve said, “You had a typo on your blog.” Typos are the bane of my existence.
Me: Tell me something I don’t know.
Steve: You said there were popes on the baseball field. Like there’s more than one pope.
Me: There is more than one. They were all there on the baseball field in their pope hats and coats.
Steve: There’s just one pope. That’s why they call him THE pope.
Me: I know what I saw.
Steve then explained to me, again, that there was only one pope but because I’m a modern-day girl, I see all professions in terms of their potential to make me a star.
Me: You know, if I were a priest, I’d feel pretty bad that I had no to hope to be the pope. HA! I rhymed, did you hear me honey? See how clever I am!?!
Steve: Yes, but I think if you’re a priest, you’re just happy to be a priest and you don’t necessarily want to be the pope.
And then there might have been some talk about popes getting their gratification from touching little boys. Surviving Myself has a funnier joke about priests and little boys today so go visit him for the funny that belongs in this spot.
Me: Well, if they want to keep their priest quotas up, they need to make more popes. Like one pope per country.
Steve: They can’t do that because the pope lives at the Vatican.
Me: They should build Vaticans for the new popes.
Steve: They can’t. The Vatican is in Vatican City.
Me: Well, they can make more Vatican Cities. It would be like Disney and all the different Disneylands and worlds and Euros.
Steve: Well, if they’re going to make a pope of Disneyland, I’m going to be the pope of Tomorrowland.
And here’s where things got sticky because Steve has spent a lot of time at Disneyland and I have not. This combined with his eight years of Catholic school made this conversation really lopsided and not in my favor.
Steve: And you can be the pope of Bear Country Jamboree! Ha! You’re the pope of Bear Country Jamboree!
Me: I don’t want that.
Steve: No you are that because I’m the Pope of Tomorrowland and what I say goes.
Me: No, I’m the pope of whatever that area is called with the Haunted Mansion and Pirates of the Caribbean.
Steve: New Orleans Square? You want to be the pope of New Orleans Square?
Me: I don’t know. I mean, I hate that stupid Carnation Pavilion where no one dances.
Steve: Well, how about this, you can be the pope of all of Bear Country.
Me: How about I’m the pope of Space Mountain.
Steve: No, I’m the pope of Tomorrowland, and Space Mountain is in my realm.
Me: Well, I guess if I were the pope of Bear Country, I can rule over those lemon slushees that are so good.
Steve: Shyah. And I get to rule over the rocket launchers.
Me: I smite you.
Steve: What, with your fuzzy bear paw scepter? Well, I smite you with laser beams.
Me: Bears paws are stronger than laser beams.
Steve: They aren’t.
Me: They are.
Steve: They aren’t.
Me: Hey, I wrote a book about Alaska. I know this stuff.
Steve: Well, I’m the pope of Tomorrowland.
And then we were silent because he understood that I was right and that bear paw scepters are stronger than laser beams and being the pope of Bear Country Jamboree is AWESOME and I am the ruler of all things animatronic and Ursidae.
And it is so. Because it is published on the internet.
Comments
18 Responses to “I am the Pope of Bear Country Jamboree”
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April 18th, 2008 @ 9:34 am
Laser are stronger, I’m sorry.
And I’ve never been to Disneyland because i was poor growing up and instead of vacations we would go to the mall where we weren’t allowed to buy anything.
and thanks for the link!
April 18th, 2008 @ 9:49 am
I was poor too, never went to Disneyland. My kids asked me to take them once and I told them I hated children and they had to ask their dad. So I still haven’t been. But I was Catholic for a couple of years. And well, there’s only one pope. And I guess, there’s only one Pope of Bear Country Jamboree.
You’re even with the Pope.
Feel better?
Lets get a drink.
April 18th, 2008 @ 11:25 am
i was disappointed in the priest joke.
i was expecting something on a more grand scale. you know, like a traditional joke with setting the stage, building tension, climax, and denouement.
not that chris isn’t funny, but his priest quip was more of a parenthetical sidebar.
btw, i have upped the ante and turned my website into a real-life blog because of your stupid blogroll. i hope you’re happy now that i have to come up with interesting stuff on a semi-daily basis.
also btw, all you need to defeat a laser is a sufficiently reflective surface. perhaps your bear had shiny mirror-paws?
ken
April 18th, 2008 @ 11:39 am
I was fired from a job as a Catholic school librarian for showing porn to the children.
True story.
April 18th, 2008 @ 11:39 am
I didn’t do it, btw.
April 18th, 2008 @ 11:53 am
I would so win this conversation if it was Sam. I think he only vaguley knows what disneyland is. I haven’t even been to disney world.
April 18th, 2008 @ 12:11 pm
Heck yes you want to be pope of New Orleans Square! Doesn’t that mean beads and ta-tas?!
April 18th, 2008 @ 12:57 pm
I don’t want to be the Pope of anything. I’d feel weird with all the people kissing my ring and stuff.
Is there some kind of anti-Pope? Not like a Pope of the Devil or something, because I don’t really believe in Hell. Outside of Florida, anyway.
Or maybe that’s it. If Hell is Florida, wouldn’t the anti-Pope be Jeb Bush?
Ok, so I don’t want to be the anti-Pope, either…
April 18th, 2008 @ 1:15 pm
Apollo: When you come to the west coast, we can go to Disneyland. And what I mean by Disneyland is out drinking.
Chantel: Yes please.
Crissy: No, of course not.
Andie: That’s what I get for hooking up with an American… a southern Californian at that.
Boldmama: Where were you last night?!?
Justin: Have you tried people kissing your ring? It’s nice and maybe you’d like it.
April 18th, 2008 @ 1:21 pm
Ride: you were in my spam folder. It’s a good thing I obsessively check my blog stats and potential message boxes because I know someone must be trying to contact me at all times and I must refresh all my different things to get the messages.
Maybe you and Chris can arm wrestle to determine the winner? Shirtless? And take pictures? And email them to me? Thanks.
April 18th, 2008 @ 1:21 pm
So if you are the Pope of Bear Country Jamboree (which is in the realm of Frontierland) you are therefore the Pope of Frontierland and all it’s demesne.
I, however, am the Pope of Fantasyland which means I own all of your lands because my land houses every Disney character from every money making Disney movie ever.
Basically, to get nerdy on you, All Your Base Are Belong to Me. WOOT!
April 18th, 2008 @ 1:45 pm
KK: I’m cool with that as long as that means you own Tomorrowland and Steve has to report to you.
April 18th, 2008 @ 2:09 pm
“disappointed????”
April 18th, 2008 @ 4:25 pm
Dude, being Pope of New Orleans Square is waaayyy better than being Pope of Bear country AND being Pope of Tomorrowland. I should know – I was rich growing up and went to Disneyland ALL the time. Not really. But, serioulsy, you’d have ghosts AND pirates – that’s at least ten times better than lasers.
April 18th, 2008 @ 4:25 pm
Oops – I meant seriously…
April 18th, 2008 @ 8:26 pm
I have a book about being the Pope–it’s called, “How To Be Pope” I’m serious–look it up on Amazon or Powell’s or whatever.
Hey, we just left you a voice mail–my wife wants to know how to pick you up tomorrow. Call us back damn it.
April 18th, 2008 @ 8:27 pm
And why is my comment awaiting moderation? Doesn’t your comments know WHO I AM?
April 21st, 2008 @ 7:10 am
I heart bear country jamboree… but I think I would be the pope of the Dole Pineapple stand outside of the enchanted Tiki room because that’s the kind of girl I am…